The Roadmap to Emotional Healing: Core Wounds, Empowerment, and Personal Growth with JJ Flizanes
In this engaging episode, JJ Flizanes returns to discuss her transformative course 'The Roadmap to Emotional Healing.' Lesa Koski shares personal insights and learnings from the course, highlighting exercises like Ho'oponopono prayer and the identification of core wounds. They delve into the intricacies of understanding and addressing emotions, the impact of beliefs on health, and strategies for managing feelings. The conversation also touches upon the empowering aspects of acknowledging both positive traits inherited from parents and new approaches to emotional wellbeing. Listeners are encouraged to explore the course to deepen their understanding of emotional healing and personal growth.
00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back
00:25 Discussing JJ's Courses
01:03 Understanding and Managing Emotions
02:32 Fear of Sickness and Death
03:54 Empowerment and Belief Systems
06:10 Personal Stories and Health Beliefs
07:43 The Role of Belief in Health
10:35 Navigating Medical Decisions
16:25 Overcoming People Pleasing and Finding Joy
20:00 The Power of Belief and Frequency
21:23 Next Steps in the Roadmap Course
21:52 Transformative Exercise and Personal Growth
22:48 Challenges and Refinements in Therapy
24:43 Understanding Core Wounds
26:26 Emotional Triggers and Responses
27:54 Navigating Relationship Conflicts
31:15 The Importance of Emotional Processing
35:26 Reflecting on Childhood Memories
39:41 Course Promotion and Final Thoughts
Transcript
Welcome listeners.
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:This is a sweet surprise.
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:We had JJ Flizzines on last week.
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:And voila, she's back.
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:And I'm so excited because I was so
intrigued and just kind of fell in love
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:with, your spirit and your wanting to
learn, because that has always been in me.
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:And so listeners.
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:As you know, I've been talking
a little bit about what I've
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:learned through your course.
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:I took JJ's course and what I love
it's, is it called I Am Empowered?
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:Is that what it's called?
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:Or is that that worksheet that I have?
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:No, that's just the worksheet.
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:So the course is called the
Roadmap to Emotional Healing.
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:Thank you.
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:Sorry, I should have had that
down, and it is a roadmap and
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:very, it's filled with information.
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:there's another course that
goes through your, feelings
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:and emotions and your needs.
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:And I found that really helpful.
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:And I actually did a podcast on that.
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:So listeners go back and listen
to that or take the course because
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:you get it in there as well.
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:And so we're going to be talking about
JJ's course on core wounds a little bit
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:today and I have questions, but before we
jump into that, JJ, I do have a question
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:and my listeners, if they go back and
listen, they'll understand how you need
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:to understand your feelings when you're
not having, when you're having an unwanted
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:feeling, understand it, and then look at.
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:What is the need that I'm not getting
and how can I fulfill that myself?
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:And I love that.
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:And I've been using that and I've been
using, okay, you have to tell me, is
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:it whole pony pony or whole Pona Pona?
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:Oh, Pona Pona.
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:Neither.
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:Oh, a Pono Pono.
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:So I've said it right, but people know
I have ponies on my mind cause they're
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:right over there in the barn next to me.
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:so, but I've been doing that prayer.
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:Along with the becoming
aware of the feeling.
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:And I told my listeners last
week, I just did it last night.
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:There was a worry that popped up and I
stopped and I went, okay, where is it?
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:How do I, you know, I feel it.
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:And then I know that I tend to
over mother and we'll kind of
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:get into that a little bit later.
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:But then I did the prayer, you
know, where I'm like, I'm sorry.
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:Please forgive me.
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:And I kind of go, I'm sorry,
God, please forgive me.
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:I know you love me.
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:I know you're taking care of this.
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:You know, thank you.
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:I love you.
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:And it is.
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:I get peace and like
I've never felt before.
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:So I love that.
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:But I do have a question for you on
one of the feelings that I deal with.
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:I've always had this.
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:And then, you know, I had that stage one
breast cancer and that really scared me,
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:but JJ, I've always been really afraid
of sickness and death, like terrified.
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:Like I go into the doctor and
my blood pressure is sky high.
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:Like I'm just.
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:and, you know, sick to my stomach.
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:and so I looked at that and I sat
with it and I know that anxiety isn't
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:a feeling it's repressing a feeling.
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:So I kind of dig into that and I go,
okay, so I'm, I'm anxious and I'm scared.
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:I'm scared, you know, and I kind
of feel out of control because
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:there's only so much I can do.
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:Right.
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:I try really hard to be healthy
and follow the rules to be healthy.
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:But when I looked at what is that
need that's not being met, what I came
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:up with is physical safety is, and I
thought, because I'm thinking like,
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:is my body behind my back being sick?
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:I'm going to say that's what the
obvious and this framework of the
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:feelings and needs list, you know,
I teach it at the beginning of every
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:course, no matter what I'm doing.
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:I think I'm trying to
remember no date, your body.
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:We don't do this because it's in
the rewire program and it's in
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:the roadmap to emotional healing.
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:And I think I teach it at
every live event there.
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:It's sort of like, it's the getting
the verbiage down because I first
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:have to make sure that we start from
the position of empowerment of that.
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:If you have a problem or
you're not feeling it.
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:happy and you're in a negative feeling,
it's always because regardless of your
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:core wounds, regardless of any other
framework you want to work with, it's
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:because in that moment, there's a need
that's not being met for you though.
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:I don't think you're in, you're
in, in that moment, you're feeling
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:unsafe, but I don't think it's, it's
because you're You've kind of given
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:up power or control or ownership of
your safety to testing to the medical
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:world to, and I don't know that I think
that's the actual need underneath it.
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:So this exercise, which I think I taught
last week, is very, very important.
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:Simple, but it isn't easy.
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:And it's not easy because no one
is taught to recognize their needs.
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:And again, it always normally comes with
the, I need you to, I need them to, I need
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:it to, there's always a blame of a loss of
power and control over to somebody else.
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:What I actually think you are looking
for is peace and ease and trust.
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:And I don't know if
there's a family history.
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:And I don't know if I said this
last week, so let me say it now.
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:There are only six genes.
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:Six and I can read them too, if you
want me to six genes that Cannot be
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:changed and if you're born with them,
that's sort of the end of the story
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:Okay, but everything else people
think oh cancer is genetic cancer is
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:not genetic There is no cancer gene
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:I mean there are genes that can be
expressed as cancers But again, it's
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:it's not Genetics may, there's a saying
in the medical world, in the functional
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:medicine, naturopathic, that genes load
the gun, epigenetics pulls the trigger.
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:So it doesn't matter if the gun
is loaded, you have your genes.
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:Whether they express themselves
or not is completely based on your
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:epigenetics, which is layered into
the environment you're in, the stress
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:that you have, the food that you eat,
the, you know, all of the things that
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:you have 100 percent control over.
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:So, and it has to do with beliefs.
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:So going back to sort of a law
of attraction principle, you're
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:going to manifest whatever
you believe, not what you are.
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:So if you have a fear, which people often
do, well, everyone in my family has had
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:this, therefore I'm going to have it.
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:And they actually believe that.
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:So regardless of whatever
physical things that they're
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:doing to try not to have that.
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:The belief is they're going to get it.
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:Because when you don't understand
that you get to change the expression
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:of your genes, you get to decide.
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:And I hate to say this because
it's not me inviting it in,
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:but cancer doesn't scare me.
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:It never has.
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:If I get cancer, I know
exactly what I'm going to do.
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:And I know what I won't do because
it's looking at the imbalance.
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:In Chinese medicine, I don't
know if we talked about this last
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:week, but Chinese medicine, they
don't recognize tumors or cancer.
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:It's stagnant energy.
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:It's energy that's been stuck.
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:Well, there's a reason it's stuck.
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:And depending on where it's
stuck, there is a meridian.
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:There is a chakra.
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:There is an energy system attached
to that area of your body that
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:gives you information about
where your energy is stuck.
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:So in acupuncture, Chinese medicine,
they're treating the entire person, not.
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:A tumor that we're going to go in and
Radiate or whatever and think that
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:that's going to kill it and get rid
of it Because anyone that's doing
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:that because there's a lot of cancers,
especially breast cancer that reoccur.
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:I've got a client right now She's on
her fourth time having and she did
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:traditional stuff the first two times
and she did naturopathic stuff the second
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:Or i'm, sorry the third and now She's
in a whole different, like, where, how
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:she's handling or how she's being with
this, but it's because, and I love her
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:if you're listening, it's because she
actually really hasn't gotten to the root.
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:The one thing I keep harping on about
the emotional piece, and it's like,
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:we've done all the, we've done all the
foods and the change in the different,
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:treatment plans and the different
medications and the different supplements
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:and the different, like, things.
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:But there's, there's a, still a
through line of a belief system,
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:like a current, your, your belief
system is a, is a frequency.
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:It's a current.
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:And if I, in the back of my mind, truly,
truly believe that because my mom, my
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:grandmother, my great grandmother all
had this thing that I'm doomed to get it.
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:No matter what I do, I'm going to
get it regardless of how I live,
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:because that's what I believe.
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:So it's B it's being able to
change your belief systems.
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:Okay.
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:Can I jump in and ask you something
that is so true with like the high
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:blood pressure stuff, because I'm like.
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:Oh my gosh, my grandpa died young.
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:You know, I had watched two grandpas,
one like had the, had the first like
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:open heart surgery in the country years.
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:You know, I mean, I just, I've seen a
lot of that and maybe that was scary
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:to me, but honest to God, JJ, I didn't
think I was going to get cancer.
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:I didn't think I was going
to get breast cancer.
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:it's not in my family.
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:I don't have big, huge boobs.
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:I was always like, I'm not getting this.
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:I never, I truly, I feel like, down
to my toes, I never, I was shocked.
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:I was like, what the hell is this?
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:But the gift that cancer can bring, as
any diagnosis can, whether it's, and I'm
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:just talking to people who assume certain
genetic pieces, like I have a friend who
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:is in town and I heard he has cancer.
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:I haven't talked to him, but I also
know his dad died young and so I have
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:a feeling that he sort of in the back
of his mind, kind of figured he'd die
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:young, regardless of how he was going to
die, for you and for most people, breast
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:cancer is as we, I think we talked about
last week, but if not breast cancer is
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:usually an out of balance of giving and
receiving, it's the nurturing of others.
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:On top of yourself, it's depleting
of yourself at the expense
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:of yourself for other people.
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:And that's the gift that if you can
get that awareness and change that
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:habit, yes, there's other factors.
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:Potentially there's, the terrain,
10 of different factors at your
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:body that creates the foundation
from which disease happens.
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:Cause it doesn't happen overnight.
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:It happens over time.
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:So over time that gets compounded,
but you get to say, wow, how
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:did I, how did I attract this?
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:Oh, cause I'm constantly.
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:Out of balance with giving to other
people at the expense of myself and.
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:That goes that when you learn that, you
can say, great, I'd like to change that.
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:I just saw a clip on social media, a
doctor on another podcast talking about
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:autoimmune diseases and how women get
90 percent of the autoimmune diseases.
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:And because, and the personality type that
gets auto immune diseases are over givers.
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:I think I saw that.
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:Yes.
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:Yeah.
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:And so it just, it, and there are
cancer personality types, right?
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:For people that sort of don't like
thyroid, for instance, thyroid is
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:about the throat and the throat chakra
and having a voice and speaking your
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:truth and asking for what you want and.
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:You know, just having a voice period.
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:So people that have thyroid issues,
most of the time have been stuffing
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:their beliefs, their desires, their
needs, because we're not taught.
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:This is not something
that we ever get taught.
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:You have to search it out.
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:It's not taught in school.
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:It's not taught in, you know, anywhere.
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:And, uh, and so I think it's really
important, like I said, the beginning
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:that this exercise from last week,
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:It is simple, but it is not easy
because you do not have models for this.
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:You do not have models for taking
responsibility for how you create
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:your own energetic container that
either attracts or repels health.
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:Yeah.
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:And, yeah, cause there's a lot
of things we don't, I never
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:thought I'd get divorced.
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:Oh my God.
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:You would have asked me.
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:I would say I will never get divorced.
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:Like it was not in the cards for me.
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:I fought.
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:But then at some point there's
a surrender that happens to
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:say this is out of my hands.
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:I have done this has led
me through an education.
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:I couldn't have gotten otherwise.
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:This has led me through
personal development that I
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:wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
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:This has led me to the life I have now.
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:That I had no idea was in
store for me, but the road
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:looked the way that it looked.
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:I needed a reason.
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:I needed a really good reason that I
was attached to, that I cared about
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:deeply more than anything because I can
fix anything, but I can't make someone
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:else want something they don't want.
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:Right.
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:so the lesson in that while it
was, you know, it's life, we come
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:here to learn and you know, part of
life school is you have to have a
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:challenge that you can learn something.
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:And it doesn't mean you just suffer.
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:That's the difference.
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:If you take it with a
little bit of levity.
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:of like, Oh, and especially at,
you know, stage one, Oh, okay.
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:This is my body that I wasn't
apparently listening to before.
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:I don't know what other symptoms you
might've had, but the body will continue
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:to get louder and louder until you listen.
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:And we have the opportunity
to learn how to stop and go.
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:What's it saying to me?
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:How do I check in?
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:Like at my embodied healing intensive.
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:I had everybody muscle test.
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:I taught them how to muscle test and
I gave them all the chakras and we
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:muscle tested every chakra and every
emotion within the chakra to see
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:what was out of balance for people.
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:So they would know where to start with
how, you know, what am I looking at for
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:healing and connecting and reconnecting?
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:I have the list.
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:Let me just read quickly the, uh,
the six because I know someone's
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:going to ask the six genes.
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:It's cystic fibrosis, hemophilia,
Huntington disease, Ty Sachs
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:disease, Marfan syndrome.
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:and hereditary hemochromatosis.
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:Those are the six genes that,
again, epigenetics, I'm sure
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:will still play a role in the
intensity of someone's expression.
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:Because again, if you think
about the container of your body
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:and you're all stressed out,
the body can't heal in stress.
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:Your adrenaline's going, your cortisol's
going, you're not in a receptive mode.
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:when you're in a more relaxed, happy
state, you have oxytocin going,
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:you're anti inflammatory, your body's
doing what it needs to do to heal.
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:And sometimes when we get in a
diagnosis of any kind, We immediately,
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:and I'm, again, it comes down to
that belief of, for me, I know I
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:go, well, I know how to research.
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:I trust my intuition.
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:I had fibroids and I was, went
to many, many doctors who told
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:me I needed to have surgery.
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:It was too far gone.
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:And I just, cried every
time I was in the office.
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:I bawled my eyes out because
I wanted a different solution
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:and nobody was giving me one.
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:And it took me to the last
appointment when I was scheduling
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:the surgery and crying hysterically.
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:Then I was like, hello McFly.
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:You do not believe this.
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:You do not believe this because
if you did, you'd feel relief.
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:If this solution was the right solution
for you, you would feel good about it.
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:And I did not feel good about it.
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:So I stopped, I canceled it.
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:And two years went by and I did all
kinds of things in those two years.
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:And I even got rid of one by myself,
wouldn't recommend it, lost a lot of
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:blood, but, but I did it naturally.
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:and then, my intuition said,
go, go look at the research.
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:Cause there was a procedure
that I wanted to do.
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:It was, uterine artery embolization.
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:and it was at the time you, if you
wanted to get pregnant, they said, don't
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:do this because it will, hurt that.
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:This is not, this is not safe.
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:So I was like, okay, so I didn't do it.
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:Well, two years go by and
then my intuition says,
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:Hey, go check it out again.
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:So I go online.
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:Two years later, it's
180 degree different.
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:now it's the fertility preserver.
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:I'm like, okay, great.
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:So I got myself an appointment.
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:I went in and needless to say, I,
there's a whole story to this, but I'll
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:say, you know, everything was good.
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:Even the fact with the doctor was saying
to me, two doctors, Looked at me and said,
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:I'll do this, but I don't recommend this.
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:And I said, of course, what do you, you
know, I'm just curious what you recommend.
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:I didn't care not to be arrogant, but I
don't trust a lot of doctors because I
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:don't, I think they have their five tools.
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:And this is what the
five tools that I have.
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:If you have as many tools as I understand,
and then we can have a conversation
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:that's a little bit more inclusive, but
when you only have surgery and drugs
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:and a hysterectomy is my only choices, I
tend to sort of doubt that you're, very
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:well researched in other modalities.
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:So she said, I think a hysterectomy
and I looked at her and the kind of
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:laughed and I thought you're crazy.
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:So then the other doctor looked at
me and said, you make me nervous.
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:And I had to laugh.
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:And I looked at her, I had to consult her.
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:I said, okay, and I I'm coming
up with different ways in
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:which this can all work out.
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:And at the end of the day, I said,
look, I said, you know, what's got to
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:say it's a 15 percent chance, right?
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:That this is going to go bad and only a
15 percent chance because the other doctor
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:thought I, in my age range, forget my
health level, that my age range indicated
326
:that it was more than 5 percent because
it would have normally been a 5 percent
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:chance that something would go wrong.
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:So I said to this gynecologist, that's
85 percent chance it's going to go right.
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:So here's what's going to happen.
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:You're going to do the procedure
and it's going to do exactly what's
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:supposed to, it's going to shrink up,
it's going to break down, it's going
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:to slowly over time leave my body.
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:That's what's going to happen.
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:So I had the, and there was
a whole fighting with the
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:doctor during the procedure.
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:Anyway, it happened exactly
the way that I said it was, it
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:would, nothing bad happened.
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:And the gynecologist, when
I went back in basically was
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:like, okay, what do you want?
340
:I'll do whatever you say.
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:You obviously are, you know, you're
listening to your body and it's working
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:because I had to fight against two
doctors about a 15 percent chance
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:that something was going to go bad.
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:They wanted to take out my uterus.
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:I'm like, no, right.
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:But that's what we deal with.
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:if we keep giving the power away to, so
there's, there's something for your need.
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:I feel that's a little bit of a, I don't
know, is it before you got diagnosed?
349
:Were you nervous when you went to the
doctor or was it since having cancer?
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:I have, I know I was always
nervous about my heart.
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:Always nervous that I would, because
I have high blood pressure and always
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:like afraid that I was going to have
a stroke because I watched my favorite
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:guy in the world, my grandpa, go
through that and I, I don't know.
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:And so that was what I was, but
I, not so much about cancer.
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:I'd go in for mammograms,
never worried about them.
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:Never was, I was just like piece of cake.
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:You know, it didn't,
didn't make me nervous.
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:but I am an over mother for sure.
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:And JJ, I, because I was always people
pleasing and I'm still learning, there's
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:been some really big things happening.
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:I'm still learning how to overcome that.
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:But I forgot how to have fun.
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:Like I forgot.
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:And now like.
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:I'm such a different person.
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:Like I'm painting the laundry room and my
son comes and he's like, I hate painting.
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:I'm like, Everything seems fun to me now.
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:You know, it's fun.
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:Who cares?
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:Like I don't have to hurry.
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:And, so when I'm doing more fun things,
I'm, you know, working out with fun
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:ladies, I'm riding my horses more
playing with my grandchildren, huge fun.
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:for me.
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:Um, but I do, I do over mother
and I'm noticing that and I
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:want to really be careful.
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:I also know because of that people
pleasing, I've, and that we're kind of
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:getting into what I've learned in the
course, you know, the journey that I've
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:taken through that, the roadmap course.
379
:and through the cancer diagnosis,
but I gotta say too, I gotta go back
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:and say, I love what you're saying
about how you knew yourself with the
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:doctors and my daughter is a physician.
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:So she's very like,
mom, what are you doing?
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:You know, but there was something really
special about when I went through this,
384
:it really was a gift and a lesson JJ,
because I found this physician who broke
385
:off from corporate medicine, darling
woman that I adored, and she said,
386
:I wouldn't get a double mastectomy.
387
:You know, she's like, it's going to work.
388
:I mean, I had a, this is
another interesting thing.
389
:The tumor was very small
and it kept getting smaller.
390
:Like the MRI showed it one
size and then they went in for
391
:surgery and it was even smaller.
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:And I'm like, really, you got to do chemo.
393
:And they're like, yeah.
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:And I, even though getting that chemo
was, it was kind of like, it's probably
395
:all gone, but because it was the type
that it was, it was a her too, they like
396
:to use chemo and the, the oncologist.
397
:was referred to me by the
surgeon who did amazing.
398
:I mean, she, you're going to, you
know, the things you don't think
399
:of, like you're going to, you
know, I don't want my nipple off.
400
:Like I didn't even think about that.
401
:That's hard for women.
402
:And she did, she took, took her time, made
sure she had the margins and saved it.
403
:And so like, I don't even look different.
404
:It was so amazing.
405
:So I feel like.
406
:God brought me those people.
407
:And then I let it go.
408
:I was like, okay, I trust you.
409
:And then she sent me to an
oncologist at a hospital.
410
:I never thought I would go to, never
thought I would go to this hospital.
411
:And I went there because they are
more, it's a teaching hospital and I
412
:always hated having those kids come in.
413
:But now that my daughter's, you know,
ending a residency, have a little
414
:more loving about it, but so it was
a teaching hospital, but they were
415
:more into fitting it to your needs.
416
:But this oncologist said.
417
:Cancer is probably all gone right now.
418
:We're doing this to make sure, right?
419
:This is a precaution.
420
:And she said, I think you're going
to tolerate chemo really well.
421
:And for some damn reason,
JJ, I believed her.
422
:I don't know how, but I did.
423
:And I hate it going in and getting it.
424
:It would make me shake because I
do everything to support my body
425
:and to like throw this poison in.
426
:I was just like, Oh, but I
just knew that it's okay.
427
:It's a reset for my body.
428
:I'm going to be okay and
I'm going to overcome it.
429
:And for some reason I was able to
follow it and I felt like it was right.
430
:You know, it's where frequency
and vibration supersede.
431
:It's quantum physics.
432
:It supersedes everything.
433
:You know, my, someone who.
434
:And let's just take, let's take,
vaccines and I won't go into any politics
435
:about, I'll just say that, for people
that have a lot of fear about stuff
436
:or, you know, are good obedient, do
what the government tells you to do.
437
:if they feel that this was helpful for
them, like remember I talked about relief,
438
:like when I was signed up for surgery,
never once did I feel good about it.
439
:I never, I never, Existed this whole
time my body was like kept telling me
440
:no, no, no, no, no No, and of course, I'm
defaulting on how many doctors have I met
441
:with and they all keep saying the same
thing But my body said no it was clear.
442
:I'm crying.
443
:Hello So I and I trust myself and more
than anybody else So when it comes
444
:to whatever you believe someone that
believes that it might help them No, I'm
445
:not saying someone who believes it might
help them also might not be affected
446
:by it but if they if they truly truly
truly believe That they're gonna be fine.
447
:This is gonna help them.
448
:That's probably what
they're gonna manifest Yeah.
449
:But somebody who doubts it will not.
450
:Someone who doubts will get
not, it'll be, it's almost like
451
:a self fulfilling prophecy.
452
:If you have doubt and you do it anyway,
that's almost kind of the worst thing you
453
:can do because you go against yourself.
454
:It's not, and then the body
goes, well, let me show you.
455
:Why you don't ever want to do
that again, because I'm going
456
:to manifest the exact thing.
457
:You're afraid of.
458
:I had a client years ago
who was afraid of cancer.
459
:She got cancer.
460
:She died because she was
afraid of it, but she didn't.
461
:So let's talk a little bit about what
would be next on your roadmap after, you
462
:know, you got the basic core wound stuff.
463
:It would be making an
appropriate proper map.
464
:So you could actually understand
the different parts of the core
465
:wound map and how it, and like how
you're responsible for keeping them
466
:alive, how you're going to change it.
467
:And that doesn't happen
because the roadmap course.
468
:It's a self study course.
469
:It's to get somebody familiar with
the idea of core wounds, to uncover
470
:what your core wounds are, to see the
patterns that play out in your life.
471
:There's a lot of, even if you just
do the exercise as it's given,
472
:which I actually had Harville and
Helen this week on my podcast.
473
:I got to confess to him that I've
made entire business around that.
474
:Exercise and developed
it into something deeper.
475
:Then he's very excited for me to share it
with him, which I'm very excited about.
476
:and for me to write a book about
it, which he's all about, because
477
:I've taken this one exercise that
was life changing for me, all I
478
:had to complete what they gave me.
479
:And that in itself was life
changing because of how I process
480
:emotions, how I could see patterns.
481
:And the minute that I saw the pattern,
I stopped it because my ex husband
482
:would tell me, and I would say to him.
483
:He's like, you know, that
thing you do, it doesn't work.
484
:I said, Oh, I know.
485
:Like, I was well aware.
486
:I'm like, it doesn't work.
487
:Why do I keep doing it?
488
:I don't know.
489
:I can't stop.
490
:I don't know why I can't stop.
491
:But then I did the exercise and I
stopped because I saw the pattern
492
:went back so far and I understood
how it was about me, not about him.
493
:Yes.
494
:So I took ownership of that and
I taught that that way for years.
495
:But over the years.
496
:it would be hit or miss.
497
:Not everybody would be life
changed by the exercise.
498
:And so as I got deeper into working
with people in this way, in smaller
499
:groups of people, I'd start to see how,
this needs to be fine tuned into this.
500
:And this is how, how we're looking
at ourselves and how I keep that
501
:core wound alive myself every day.
502
:if we don't start to change our own
habits and patterns and behaviors.
503
:within ourselves, then we can't ask the
outside world to change necessarily.
504
:We have to be the ones that, we
have to be aware of what it is.
505
:so the roadmap course is really about that
diagnostic process I talked to so many
506
:people who are even therapists and I'm,
and they would have, and even in that,
507
:episode with Harville and Helm this week.
508
:I said, I'm not a fan of traditional
talk therapy because you're
509
:literally talking about the same
things you're already aware of.
510
:Like there's no new information.
511
:There's no new way of
looking at something.
512
:It's literally a recycling
of the belief system and the
513
:information you already have.
514
:That's a big, and there's no structure.
515
:So when we look at, well, if I'm going
to go heal something like I've, I
516
:went for Reiki this week, one of my
Qigong teachers, she teaches, she does
517
:Reiki and she offered me a session.
518
:and Reiki is a very powerful tool, but
if you don't know why you're using it
519
:or what you need to expect from it, same
thing with hypnosis, same thing with
520
:Ho'oponopono, same thing with, I don't
care what the therapy is, tapping EMDR.
521
:Why am I doing it?
522
:What is the wound?
523
:That's causing the problem and what is the
behavior or the shift in how I interpret
524
:something that I'm waiting to see happen
so that I know it's getting better.
525
:And that's where this whole idea
of talk therapy or just healing
526
:in general is so, like, elusive.
527
:Oh, healing.
528
:It's like exercise.
529
:Oh, just exercise.
530
:What the hell does that mean?
531
:As a practitioner, I'm
like, exercise more.
532
:Doing what?
533
:What is the goal?
534
:Strength training?
535
:Flexibility?
536
:Do you want me to be a faster runner?
537
:Endurance?
538
:Do you want me to improve
my cardiovascular?
539
:Like, exercise more is the dumbest bit
of advice anyone can give somebody.
540
:So when you say, oh, I'm, I'm, you
know, I'm healing or I'm in therapy.
541
:Okay, how?
542
:What are you doing?
543
:Are you, so let's, let's figure
out what the wounds are, at
544
:least the top three core wounds.
545
:Did you figure out what yours were?
546
:yeah, tell me again what letter that is.
547
:it would be one of the last two.
548
:So it's, The Deepest Fears, I
believe it's The Deepest Fears page.
549
:Not the last page, because that's
when you put it all together for the
550
:Imago piece of relationship therapy.
551
:But let's go one or two pages before that.
552
:I'm sorry, this is taking a little while.
553
:I've got my frustrations.
554
:Deepest fears.
555
:What's the page after the frustrations?
556
:Okay.
557
:Got it.
558
:Okay.
559
:Do you have any of the repeat?
560
:You have your mom and your dad
and maybe other, are there any
561
:words that repeat on both sides?
562
:disapproved of.
563
:Great.
564
:Okay.
565
:So let's just work with that one.
566
:So if you have, and I'll take you
through sort of the, the, the, what
567
:the map And that's not what's in this
course, although you can start it.
568
:And I do start it on the, I added a fifth
week, as a bonus to sort of do that.
569
:Did you get to that?
570
:Well, is that the question and answer one?
571
:Okay.
572
:I didn't do that one yet.
573
:Yeah.
574
:Do that one because I'll walk you through
how to, how to put, and it's not even.
575
:Again, I've been working with
this now for so many years.
576
:So it's even better now than it
was then, but that it starts you
577
:on the, how do I make this map
from this data that I've collected?
578
:So let's just look at disapproved up.
579
:So you have a core
wound of disapproved up.
580
:It's probably the first, most important
one, because if you have it with both
581
:parents, then it's probably the strongest.
582
:So disapproved up.
583
:So when you and your, and when
you get triggered in life, One
584
:of the top three core wounds is
what's going to be triggered.
585
:And again, it's going to
be mostly subconscious.
586
:You're not going to choose it.
587
:You're just going to feel bad.
588
:You're going to have a feeling because
your subconscious has interpreted you
589
:being disapproved of and then you're
going to have whatever feeling, which you
590
:can find that on the frustrations page.
591
:And then you're going to have a response,
which is also on the frustrations page.
592
:So you'll figure out the circuit.
593
:I call it the circuit.
594
:And it's what happens.
595
:Immediately.
596
:It's so it's, it's built in, it's
a reactive, pattern that you have.
597
:and so while that pattern won't change
overnight, when you start to recognize it,
598
:when you start to notice it and become an
observer of it, then when you get to the.
599
:The action piece, the third part
of it, you can choose to act
600
:differently, to respond differently.
601
:And you can get through it faster
than what happens is people get
602
:triggered because they feel devalued.
603
:They feel abandoned.
604
:They feel ignored.
605
:They feel suppressed.
606
:They feel smothered.
607
:They feel disapproved of.
608
:And then we create this whole story.
609
:And we end up cycling and cycling and
cycling in this story that's not true
610
:because you don't understand the mechanics
of the fact that this was a, this was
611
:a triggered response and I could have
just let it do its thing and then be
612
:done with it, but I took it because
it was a thing and I made it bigger.
613
:I made it bigger by telling people, I
made it bigger by making it a bigger
614
:deal than it needs to be, not recognizing
that this is a core wound that I have.
615
:And the likelihood is I'm going to
respond in this way in some degree,
616
:possibly for a long time until I.
617
:expand my comfort zone and
do something different.
618
:Okay.
619
:I want to, I want to talk to
you about something happened.
620
:My husband and I have not had
like a, like yelling fight, like a
621
:real mad fight for quite a while.
622
:And we were driving to the
airport to pick up my daughter.
623
:And of course we started talking about
finances, which is not a good idea when
624
:you're stuck in a car with someone.
625
:In in our case we were talking about it
and kind of basically it is he wants me
626
:to just take care of everything And I
don't want to I want to do it together
627
:I want his insight and he doesn't want
he's like I make you know I make it you
628
:figure out what to do with it and you tell
you know so he He could make me feel I
629
:I don't know what the difference between
shamed shamed and disapproved of is to me.
630
:It was real close You So
it was kind of like that.
631
:No, that feels more like abandoned
because you, you want to do it together
632
:and he just wants you to take care of it.
633
:He doesn't want the burden of figuring
it out because he feels like he's
634
:already tired doing what he's doing.
635
:And he just wants you
to, and he trusts you.
636
:he wants some peace.
637
:He wants some ease and
you want connection.
638
:Okay.
639
:That sounds true.
640
:So you probably, If you have abandoned
on there anywhere or ignored or devalued,
641
:there's probably a little bit of him.
642
:It's like a rejection.
643
:You probably took it a
little bit like a rejection.
644
:And again, rejection is not bullying.
645
:It's an interpretation.
646
:So if you're, if you're interpreting,
my husband doesn't love me because he
647
:doesn't want to spend time with me on
how we're going to spend the money.
648
:That's because that's coming, that's
being filtered through your wound.
649
:When actuality, he's
literally saying, I'm tired.
650
:I have enough to focus on.
651
:I don't want to do this.
652
:I trust you.
653
:Just do it because it'll
make, it'll bring me peace.
654
:It'll bring me ease.
655
:To him, that's the collaboration.
656
:I'm going to make it.
657
:You spend it and manage it.
658
:End of story.
659
:We each have our roles.
660
:And then we don't have to keep
talking about something that,
661
:like, it's just too much.
662
:Like, he wants some space.
663
:I love this.
664
:I love this because I was a little bit
concerned because, okay, I looked at that
665
:and I knew, and I was really like working
on how, how is this making me feel?
666
:What is this?
667
:and then I was thinking, I
always want to just come and fix
668
:it and make them feel better.
669
:Is that wrong?
670
:Is that over mothering?
671
:It's you.
672
:Cause I don't really want to do it.
673
:I don't like dealing with money, but
then I thought back to, I started taking
674
:care of my finances when I was 12 and
I didn't want to, I was terrified.
675
:I didn't want to do it.
676
:And you know, so now I'm like, okay,
well there might be other solutions
677
:and maybe there's something to explore
that like having a money manager or
678
:your financial planner or I don't
know, but having another solution.
679
:that satisfies everyone's needs.
680
:You have a need in this case, it feels
like you have a need for connection
681
:and, and maybe because it stresses
you and maybe because it stresses
682
:you out, you don't want to do it by
yourself because it stresses you out.
683
:So you're trying to make it more fun and
more meaningful by having connection.
684
:He wants space, but when you ask
me the question, is it wrong to
685
:want to help somebody feel better?
686
:It's not that it's wrong.
687
:Let me give you, here's the reality.
688
:When someone around you is upset and
you get triggered and you want to
689
:make them feel better, it's because
you're uncomfortable being upset.
690
:Because it triggers your wound of
not being able to be in that emotion.
691
:So the real issue here is you don't
know how to hold the space for your
692
:own emotions, so you don't have a whole
space for other people's emotions.
693
:It's like, you know, it's too messy.
694
:It's out of control.
695
:You don't know how to let somebody.
696
:It is.
697
:And I don't know what to do.
698
:Like I get, like, I want to
cry and then I get like, I want
699
:to yell and then I like, okay.
700
:But emotional processing is, is that.
701
:It's about a process.
702
:It's about allowing the process and
you want to repress the process.
703
:So you want to talk about another reason
why you got cancer is because you repress.
704
:Yeah.
705
:So you're telling me, feel those.
706
:Yes, there is a, and again, part
of this feelings and needs list
707
:can help with the identification.
708
:you have to start with being able to
allow yourself to have your emotions.
709
:That doesn't mean other people
have to be involved necessarily,
710
:or that they need to do something.
711
:You know, it's why I really, I
used to yell at some of my male
712
:clients as a personal trainer,
because there are women totally
713
:would manipulate them all the time.
714
:And, and, you know, and I'd say, look,
women manipulate men emotionally.
715
:Because you allow them to, because
you don't, because the minute a woman
716
:cries, a man loses his shit and he's
like, Oh my God, what do I got to do?
717
:And then of course, then the
man will say, I don't feel free.
718
:I feel, I feel trapped by your
emotions that make me do things I don't
719
:want to do so that you'll be calm.
720
:Okay, that's bullshit.
721
:Because if a man could learn the
same thing women need to learn,
722
:which is how to hold the space
for someone else's emotions,
723
:which means allow them to have it.
724
:Allow them to go through the emotion.
725
:Don't suppress it.
726
:I had a cat die a couple months ago.
727
:And when Doug and I, when it happened,
thank God we, it was like, not thank
728
:God, but Sunday night into Monday,
we both didn't really have any work.
729
:We didn't have to cancel any
plans, but we both grieved all day.
730
:And we literally just cried and cried
and we took a little bit of a drive and,
731
:you know, but we, it was a grieving day.
732
:And then the next day he
had to get on a plane.
733
:On a plane to go back to Baltimore to
see his mom that was already planned.
734
:And he was like, this is not
a good time for me to leave.
735
:And I said, well, maybe it is.
736
:So then for the next four days, I
literally laid on the couch, watch
737
:television and did cancel plans.
738
:I did cancel stuff and
I cried and I wailed.
739
:I just cried.
740
:And I, I apologized to her.
741
:I was so, I had so much grief about it
and I was so feeling so badly about it.
742
:And I'm, you know, in my house
yelling and screaming and crying.
743
:And I did it as to, to, and I never,
I didn't have to hold it back.
744
:I just let it out.
745
:And it was almost a blessing that
he wasn't here because I know him.
746
:And a lot of men would do this too.
747
:There's a moment in time, maybe
48 hours in maybe less than that,
748
:where he would have been like,
okay, I have to go to work now.
749
:And he wouldn't have had
to, he would have chosen to.
750
:Because feeling your
feelings is not comfortable.
751
:And, most of the time it makes you
feel out of control, but I, like,
752
:I went through those four days.
753
:So I had five days of crying and
screaming and yelling in my house.
754
:And, but ever since then I've been fine
and I've been able to process her death
755
:differently and, and be okay with it.
756
:And I haven't cried once
about it since then.
757
:And that's not saying that that
means I'm over it and, or whatever.
758
:It just means that I.
759
:I squeezed it out when it happened.
760
:There was no repressing.
761
:And too often we do not let ourselves
feel because we have to function.
762
:We have to be a parent.
763
:We have to go to work.
764
:We have to do whatever is on the schedule.
765
:And we don't give ourselves
a space to say, no, I can't
766
:attend to any of that right now.
767
:I had a tragedy happen.
768
:I need to check out for a little while
and allow myself to feel sad and angry
769
:and depressed and whatever the emotion is.
770
:So this is why we don't have any
skills to do this because we get thrown
771
:back into life and then we repress,
repress, repress, and the repression
772
:creates disease quite honestly.
773
:So, and I have to say, as you're talking
about this, I can't help but think of
774
:these times when I found out about the
cancer and kind of when I didn't know,
775
:you know, you don't really know how
bad it is right until they really go
776
:in and you know, there were tests to do
and, I would go sit on a bale of hay.
777
:and cry and scream.
778
:And it was something I
haven't done forever.
779
:So I mean, I think JJ, that's healing.
780
:Oh my God.
781
:Yeah.
782
:Yeah.
783
:Okay.
784
:So now I'm going way over time and I
know you have a, you have a cutoff soon.
785
:I have one other thing I want to ask
you about because I didn't address it.
786
:On this worksheet, but I thought it
was so interesting that I journaled
787
:all through this journey that I've
been through and I was writing about
788
:my childhood and I thought that my
core wound was going to be abandoned.
789
:Because this is so weird, but it was
before I knew about anything, right?
790
:Before I knew how to get there.
791
:My first two memories were when I
was about two years old, I was lost.
792
:And these, there was a graduation.
793
:I remember it completely.
794
:There was a graduation party for
my uncle Jimmy and these teenagers
795
:took me to this other cabin.
796
:And then they just let me walk outside.
797
:And I stood outside and I
had no idea where I was.
798
:And I could see a lady mowing the lawn.
799
:I remember a group of people walking
down the road and my favorite aunt
800
:came and found me and picked me up.
801
:And I remember my knee hurt
and it scratched on her wool.
802
:So so I remember that.
803
:Right.
804
:And then my second memory is my mom
dropping me in water babies, like dropping
805
:into the pool and being like terrified.
806
:But that wasn't something that I don't
know why it didn't come up on this.
807
:I don't know if I don't have
big feelings about it anymore.
808
:You know, again, it goes
to the interpretation.
809
:I had a client in the very first
beta group of the rewire and she.
810
:Didn't have a lot of memories about
her, her parents or her dad, especially
811
:cause he wasn't really around a lot.
812
:And what kept coming up for her
was what other people would say,
813
:Oh, your dad should be here.
814
:He's abandoning you.
815
:And but she never felt like, like she
filled out the sheet from hearsay.
816
:It wasn't actually her own honest.
817
:And what I said to her was, I don't
think your love language is quality time.
818
:And so she ended up doing
the worksheet again.
819
:and it changed because.
820
:Yes, her dad wasn't around, but her
love language isn't quality time,
821
:so it didn't matter, didn't hurt her
feelings for him not to be around, right?
822
:So we can see something and say,
well, someone else might respond
823
:to this in a really bad way,
but it didn't really bother me.
824
:And that's okay.
825
:There's nothing wrong with
you that didn't bother you.
826
:You're interpreting it differently, right?
827
:Yeah.
828
:And maybe you trusted at
that moment, you'd be fine.
829
:You were two.
830
:You didn't have any reason not to trust.
831
:Right.
832
:Maybe now in retrospect,
you think that's horrible.
833
:I'd never do that to my child.
834
:cause you as a parent would feel
nervous for the child, but you as a
835
:two year old self, who's connected
to source more than anybody is when
836
:they're older, was not at all afraid
because you were like, whatever,
837
:I'm just observing and being around.
838
:Oh, there's my aunt.
839
:That's cool.
840
:There's Alicia.
841
:I think it was a little, I was a
little bit afraid because I was like.
842
:Where am I?
843
:I mean, it was a, a, you know, a time,
it was quite a time because everybody
844
:from the party went out and searching.
845
:but I, yeah, it's just interesting
that those are my memories, but
846
:they don't, it wasn't something
that came out on the worksheet.
847
:and the more that you, are with it
and kind of work with it more kind
848
:of stuff like taking someone through,
I mean, six months, five months into
849
:a six month program, people would go
after working with something, grow.
850
:Oh, actually, I don't think
it's abandoned that my core,
851
:like my strongest core wound.
852
:I think it's like, when you look at how
we're judging it, how we're observing
853
:it versus, as you start to sort of work
with it, which is the fun part because
854
:it gives reason and it makes you feel
empowered to do something about it.
855
:The end of the bottom line here
is that it's not just going
856
:back and digging stuff up.
857
:you're getting clarity on why you
react the way you act and then
858
:you're being given tools to do
something about it and change it.
859
:Yep.
860
:And one other thing that I want to say
that I really liked about it, which
861
:I didn't expect, there's a section
where you talk about the good traits.
862
:It's your parents.
863
:gave me so much peace, till, and
I felt so good looking at that.
864
:And so I was so grateful, for,
for what they did give me.
865
:And so that was lovely.
866
:And then the other thing, well, I'm
going to save that for my GiddyUp
867
:segment that comes after this.
868
:It's a, it's a, exercise that you
gave us to do in the evenings.
869
:And I'm going to talk about that because
it was, It's been life changing for me.
870
:So you have been changing my life.
871
:And so I'm going to continue to work
through things and I want the audience
872
:to know that we do have that affiliate
link and it's just JJ philzaines.
873
:com Backslash Lisa L E S a correct.
874
:And that'll be in the show notes.
875
:Anybody can purchase the anatomy of
emotion course So I'm happy to throw
876
:that in for anybody who's listening.
877
:you can get the course, there's a payment
plan or a pay in full plan, and it's
878
:a do it at your own pace and you can,
repeat it as many times as you need to,
879
:or want to, which I would definitely
recommend repeating it at least once
880
:or twice over a couple of years.
881
:a couple of year period if you're really
sort of working on yourself because you'll
882
:get more comfortable, more things will
come up, more memories will come up,
883
:more, deeper awareness, understanding.
884
:So it's called the roadmap
to emotional healing and you
885
:can get it, judges, lesans.
886
:com forward slash Lisa.
887
:Yay.
888
:Thanks so much for being here, for
coming back and for changing lives.
889
:And it's fun.
890
:I'm not, I mean, I'm not going to lie.
891
:I feel like it's a gift.
892
:It's fun.
893
:I'm so thankful to have met
you and to have been here.
894
:Been able to do this work and
I will continue to delve in.
895
:So listeners, we'll keep talking about it.
896
:So JJ, thank you.
897
:Thank you, Lisa.
898
:You take good care.
