Midlife Momentum

Speaker: 00:00:00

Welcome listeners.

2

: 00:00:02

I cannot tell you how truly

grateful I am for my guest today.

3

: 00:00:08

I'm actually getting tears in my eyes.

4

: 00:00:10

You've heard her before.

5

: 00:00:11

It's Tammy Wallach.

6

: 00:00:13

She's like my go-to divorce gal.

7

: 00:00:17

When you're, you know, you've got

something going on with your house and

8

: 00:00:20

you need some information about what to

do with the home and I want you to know,

9

: 00:00:25

go and listen to doing divorce different

'cause we're gonna talk about divorce a

10

: 00:00:29

little bit more on that, that podcast.

11

: 00:00:31

But if you like what we're talking

about and like hearing Tammy

12

: 00:00:35

and I have our conversations.

13

: 00:00:38

This settle up live audience can

go to doing divorce different, even

14

: 00:00:41

if you're not getting divorced,

because we can all learn from people

15

: 00:00:45

who have gone through hard things.

16

: 00:00:47

And I, Tammy became my friend through

this work we met on the podcast.

17

: 00:00:54

Yeah.

18

: 00:00:54

So welcome Tammy.

19

: 00:00:56

Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

20

: 00:00:56

Thank you so much for having me.

21

: 00:00:58

I just love the conversations

that we have so much.

22

: 00:01:01

They're always so authentic and.

23

: 00:01:04

I always feel like I come away with,

um, so much great energy after we

24

: 00:01:08

speak, so thank you for having me.

25

: 00:01:11

Speaker: Well, and the thing

that I love about Tammy is she

26

: 00:01:15

is like my calming influence.

27

: 00:01:17

I think I just threw up all over her

before we got on the call call about, ah,

28

: 00:01:22

I, you know, rushing woman syndrome here.

29

: 00:01:24

But I'm excited today because we're

gonna talk about some things and it's

30

: 00:01:29

kinda like just about being a, a woman, a

woman who's gone through something hard.

31

: 00:01:33

Tammy has built an incredible business.

32

: 00:01:36

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

33

: 00:01:36

And

34

: 00:01:36

Speaker: I wanna talk about that.

35

: 00:01:37

She's been divorced for about nine years,

I think she said she's got a couple boys.

36

: 00:01:42

Um, and she really, she's

got tons of followers.

37

: 00:01:45

Go follow her on Instagram.

38

: 00:01:47

She's got the greatest little

videos and I have seen.

39

: 00:01:51

Her just explode in that area.

40

: 00:01:54

And she is, she's writing books.

41

: 00:01:56

She's becoming an expert,

such an expert in her field.

42

: 00:02:00

And what I want my listeners to

know is I really didn't start

43

: 00:02:03

doing my work until I was in my

fifties and Colonel Sanders was 65.

44

: 00:02:08

Right?

45

: 00:02:09

I know, right?

46

: 00:02:11

I love that.

47

: 00:02:12

So if you've got a little inkling,

listen, hear Tammy, how she followed

48

: 00:02:17

her calling, how she changed her life,

and I, so we're gonna talk about that.

49

: 00:02:21

She's gonna share her story.

50

: 00:02:24

About her business and how it's kind

of evolved, and then I can't help it.

51

: 00:02:28

I'm gonna pick her brain about Instagram,

which is kind of related to our business.

52

: 00:02:33

But ladies, I wanna grow my Instagram.

53

: 00:02:36

I just, I don't even do personal stuff

because you know, I try to focus on my

54

: 00:02:40

business, but I'd like to do a better

job even with my personal, so I wanna

55

: 00:02:45

talk to you about that, and I think

we're gonna learn some interesting

56

: 00:02:47

things and then I can't help it.

57

: 00:02:50

Tammy, I need this.

58

: 00:02:52

I need to talk about meditation.

59

: 00:02:54

And Tammy is not, she's not

an expert in meditation.

60

: 00:02:58

But I remember one time on the podcast she

shared with me that she started meditating

61

: 00:03:05

when she was going through her divorce.

62

: 00:03:07

And she has kept that practice up.

63

: 00:03:09

And I am, I know there's, I know

failure isn't a bad word, and I don't

64

: 00:03:13

wanna be mean to myself, but I have

this brain that doesn't shut off.

65

: 00:03:17

And I get excited about things.

66

: 00:03:19

And I tried meditation for

over a month and it was like.

67

: 00:03:23

Now to like, okay, now

I've gotta go meditate.

68

: 00:03:28

Speaker 2: You say that the more

you feel that you can't meditate,

69

: 00:03:32

the more you need to meditate.

70

: 00:03:34

Speaker: Amen.

71

: 00:03:35

We're gonna talk about that at

the, at the end of this episode.

72

: 00:03:39

So, Tammy, if you wouldn't mind

just sharing like, what led you into

73

: 00:03:44

this business that you're doing?

74

: 00:03:46

Explain to the people

75

: 00:03:47

Speaker 2: what you're

76

: 00:03:47

Speaker: doing.

77

: 00:03:48

Speaker 2: Well, so I've been

in the mortgage business for,

78

: 00:03:53

um, several decades, let's just

call it actually like 30 years.

79

: 00:03:59

Um, and I started out, um, you know,

in an administrative role and then I

80

: 00:04:04

slowly worked into sales role and then.

81

: 00:04:08

I, um, I went into a wholesale position,

which doesn't mean a lot to people,

82

: 00:04:14

but it wasn't where I wasn't working

direct with, um, the consumer that,

83

: 00:04:18

or looking for mortgages, right?

84

: 00:04:20

If you wanna buy a house, you

go and talk to a loan officer.

85

: 00:04:24

That wasn't my role for a long time.

86

: 00:04:26

Um, but after my divorce, um, I realized

that there was a really big gap between

87

: 00:04:35

family law and mortgage lending.

88

: 00:04:39

And I personally was laid off

by a large company and I'd just

89

: 00:04:46

gone through a divorce and I was

like, oh my gosh, what do I do?

90

: 00:04:50

I was so afraid and I, I tried to

do other things, you know, thinking

91

: 00:04:56

like I do this other thing here,

and it just kept bringing me back

92

: 00:05:00

because I knew mortgages really well.

93

: 00:05:02

I.

94

: 00:05:03

And so, and I was, you know, had

to be the breadwinner of my family

95

: 00:05:08

now because I'm a single mom.

96

: 00:05:10

Speaker: How scary was that?

97

: 00:05:12

I don't mean to interrupt you,

but to lose your job, right?

98

: 00:05:16

When you're starting this new solo life.

99

: 00:05:19

Speaker 2: So afraid.

100

: 00:05:20

I was so fearful and I was really

scrambling and make, I made a

101

: 00:05:24

lot of really bad decisions.

102

: 00:05:27

And through those decisions of

bad making housing decisions is

103

: 00:05:33

really what, you know, drew me to

help trying to help other people.

104

: 00:05:38

Because you are not thinking clearly.

105

: 00:05:41

You have brain fog and you're

being chased by a tiger, right?

106

: 00:05:46

And so.

107

: 00:05:47

Your frontal lobe shuts down and you

can't think or make good decisions.

108

: 00:05:52

And then after I came out of it,

I was like, oh, I could have done

109

: 00:05:55

this different, I should have

done that different, I should have

110

: 00:05:57

done this other thing different.

111

: 00:05:59

But that's okay because I learned

so much through all of that.

112

: 00:06:04

And, but I really did realize like, oh,

attorneys aren't financial people and

113

: 00:06:13

they're not mortgage lenders, and their

role is to get you mediators, family

114

: 00:06:21

law attorneys, anybody that is helping

you get through the legal process.

115

: 00:06:27

That's their role.

116

: 00:06:28

Right?

117

: 00:06:29

Their role isn't to tell you

whether or not to keep the house.

118

: 00:06:34

Or to even advise you on it.

119

: 00:06:36

Having other people to rely on that can

guide you in that direction and make

120

: 00:06:42

better sense of your, from a financial

perspective, makes for a better divorce.

121

: 00:06:48

Right?

122

: 00:06:48

Because then you're making good decisions

or informed decisions before you sign

123

: 00:06:54

your settlement agreement so that

you know that you can carry out all

124

: 00:06:59

the things that you've agreed to do.

125

: 00:07:01

Right?

126

: 00:07:01

Right.

127

: 00:07:02

And as you go through your mediation

or your, your divorce, you're having

128

: 00:07:08

to make decisions and you can't make

those decisions alone in a silo even.

129

: 00:07:16

Um, me as a mortgage lender, I didn't

have a financial advisor looking at.

130

: 00:07:22

The, my whole picture.

131

: 00:07:24

Mm-hmm.

132

: 00:07:24

I was just right.

133

: 00:07:26

Trying to, trying to do it all by myself.

134

: 00:07:28

'cause I thought I, I, I

could and I, I couldn't.

135

: 00:07:32

Um, so you need a team.

136

: 00:07:33

Right.

137

: 00:07:33

Speaker: And so what, so now, like,

I'm trying to think of this through a

138

: 00:07:37

perspective of if there's a woman out

there who's maybe not even after getting

139

: 00:07:41

divorced, but just ready to start.

140

: 00:07:43

Yeah.

141

: 00:07:44

Something new.

142

: 00:07:46

To be open to what you're learning.

143

: 00:07:49

And I think that's what you did.

144

: 00:07:51

You had been through something

hard and you thought, huh, I

145

: 00:07:54

could have really used this.

146

: 00:07:56

Mm-hmm.

147

: 00:07:57

There's a, there's a need there.

148

: 00:07:58

You knew your audience, you

knew who you could help.

149

: 00:08:02

Yeah.

150

: 00:08:02

And so you're taking, you're taking,

and, and then that's gotta, that's gotta

151

: 00:08:07

feel like a calling a little bit to help

somebody through what you've been through.

152

: 00:08:11

That's where you get to, to give

and feel real good about that.

153

: 00:08:15

Super good.

154

: 00:08:16

Oh, I love that.

155

: 00:08:16

And then it's, but it's also, 'cause

I'm always telling people like, I

156

: 00:08:19

love if you can work in your calling.

157

: 00:08:22

So, but there's a whole bunch of

pieces to that, and it can take

158

: 00:08:25

a traumatic event to happen.

159

: 00:08:27

Mm-hmm.

160

: 00:08:28

Um, but you can study up on it and try

to figure out, okay, what are things I

161

: 00:08:34

know just like me, I was an attorney.

162

: 00:08:36

Yeah.

163

: 00:08:37

I didn't really, I really was never

anyone who wanted to go argue in court.

164

: 00:08:41

Are you kidding me?

165

: 00:08:41

I am a peacemaker.

166

: 00:08:42

Yeah.

167

: 00:08:43

So far from who, you're right.

168

: 00:08:44

I know.

169

: 00:08:46

So the minute when I took some time to

really think through this, I realized,

170

: 00:08:52

oh my gosh, I'm here to help people.

171

: 00:08:54

And I didn't think I was

gonna mediate divorces.

172

: 00:08:58

I thought that I was going to just mediate

everything, but divorces kept coming.

173

: 00:09:03

Yeah.

174

: 00:09:03

And so that, and then I just do dove

into the law surrounding it so that

175

: 00:09:08

I could be really informed about it.

176

: 00:09:10

Mm-hmm.

177

: 00:09:10

But it's, it's a little bit similar.

178

: 00:09:13

To your experience where Yeah,

it was a little bit different.

179

: 00:09:16

I saw the need, I saw the need

there, and I wanted people to

180

: 00:09:19

know, you can do this a better way.

181

: 00:09:22

And, but it, and it's

not all roses, right?

182

: 00:09:25

It's not like all, everything we love

to do every day and I get sidetracked

183

: 00:09:29

by other things that I wanna do.

184

: 00:09:31

So, but to just like, and I of course

pray, I, I have to pray and be silent.

185

: 00:09:37

Yes.

186

: 00:09:38

I try to silent this head of mine and

listen to what, where God is leading me.

187

: 00:09:43

Mm-hmm.

188

: 00:09:43

But that door seems like it opened to you.

189

: 00:09:47

Yeah.

190

: 00:09:47

And you've kind of been burning

forward since, haven't you?

191

: 00:09:50

Yeah.

192

: 00:09:51

Speaker 2: Yeah.

193

: 00:09:51

And I've had a lot of, um,

naysayers in my industry, right?

194

: 00:09:57

Because people are like, well,

you're a mortgage lender.

195

: 00:10:00

You can lend anybody like you, you

know, if you're a first time home

196

: 00:10:03

buyer, you, I could do their loan.

197

: 00:10:05

If you're buying an investment

property, I can do their loan.

198

: 00:10:09

But I didn't, I really cut out all the

noise and I micro-focused and at some

199

: 00:10:15

point in my career, um, there was a book,

and I think it's called like the Blue

200

: 00:10:20

Ocean, and I talk, I've talked about this

before and I, the premise of the book is

201

: 00:10:26

basically like when you have really good

focus and you niche down, like niche,

202

: 00:10:33

niche down, then you know everybody else's

in your industry is kind of out in the

203

: 00:10:39

waters, like where all the sharks are.

204

: 00:10:43

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

205

: 00:10:43

Right?

206

: 00:10:43

Speaker 2: Everybody kind of

going after the same client.

207

: 00:10:46

Mm-hmm.

208

: 00:10:47

The same person trying to help the

same, because that's easy, right?

209

: 00:10:51

It's like easy when, when refi

booms are happening or when rates

210

: 00:10:57

are really good, like over covid.

211

: 00:10:59

Everybody was getting all this

business and I was over here.

212

: 00:11:03

In the calm waters.

213

: 00:11:04

In the blue ocean.

214

: 00:11:07

Speaker 3: Yeah.

215

: 00:11:07

Speaker 2: Where nobody was helping

anybody through their divorces.

216

: 00:11:11

Nobody want, nobody in my industry

wants to learn the language of divorce.

217

: 00:11:17

Like you guys speak a whole

different language, Lisa, right?

218

: 00:11:20

Like mm-hmm.

219

: 00:11:21

Settlement agreements and MSA and

support and all these words that

220

: 00:11:29

traditional mortgage lenders don't know,

don't know the right questions to ask.

221

: 00:11:34

Don't know how to work with mediators

or family law attorneys because they're,

222

: 00:11:40

they're fearful of what they don't know.

223

: 00:11:43

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

224

: 00:11:44

Speaker 2: They only know their lane.

225

: 00:11:45

So when you can bridge that gap, and I

learned that whole new language of divorce

226

: 00:11:53

and what people could and couldn't do

and what they were trying to accomplish.

227

: 00:12:00

And um, it made a big difference.

228

: 00:12:03

Um,

229

: 00:12:03

Speaker: well, and what I wanna commend

you on Tammy, is you are the sole

230

: 00:12:08

breadwinner, you know, for your family.

231

: 00:12:10

Yeah.

232

: 00:12:11

Mm-hmm.

233

: 00:12:13

How courageous you are.

234

: 00:12:14

So courageous lady for you to be able

to really focus in on where you, because

235

: 00:12:21

not everybody was knew they needed you.

236

: 00:12:24

Speaker 3: Yeah.

237

: 00:12:24

I

238

: 00:12:24

Speaker: mean I think those years

I think people are starting to

239

: 00:12:27

understand because of the housing

market, but I don't, I think you kind

240

: 00:12:31

of had that was, had to be scary.

241

: 00:12:33

Like, well why don't I just go

jump on here and get all this

242

: 00:12:36

money and work with these people

'cause they know how to do it.

243

: 00:12:39

But yet you stayed dialed

in to your true calling.

244

: 00:12:43

How'd you do that?

245

: 00:12:44

Speaker 2: Well, I also felt though,

in, in, um, you know, I also felt

246

: 00:12:49

there was a lot of competition.

247

: 00:12:51

I.

248

: 00:12:51

Okay.

249

: 00:12:52

In my, you know, we all know a

mortgage lender or five, right?

250

: 00:12:57

Mm-hmm.

251

: 00:12:57

Like you all could say like, I know

this mo mortgage broker down the

252

: 00:13:01

street, or I know this guy at the

bank, or I know this other person here.

253

: 00:13:05

Um, so there was a lot of

competition and I was, you

254

: 00:13:09

know, no spring chicken anymore.

255

: 00:13:13

So, so it's like, how do I compete

in my particular town where I live?

256

: 00:13:18

There's a very large lender

that, you know, he, um, he owns

257

: 00:13:26

the town, so to speak, right?

258

: 00:13:27

You know, he's got a billboard

on the biggest intersection.

259

: 00:13:32

He, you know, everybody knows him.

260

: 00:13:34

He sponsors everything.

261

: 00:13:35

His name's everywhere.

262

: 00:13:36

Like there was just a huge

amount of competition that I

263

: 00:13:40

was trying to get away from.

264

: 00:13:42

So I was like, not only can I

get away from that competition of

265

: 00:13:47

having to, you know, compete with

this person that's well liked.

266

: 00:13:50

He is a very kind per, he's a friend.

267

: 00:13:52

Mm-hmm.

268

: 00:13:53

Right.

269

: 00:13:53

Like I made, I befriended

him over a time because of

270

: 00:13:57

Speaker: course you did.

271

: 00:14:00

Speaker 2: Like, I just wanted to know who

this person was and what he was all about.

272

: 00:14:04

In fact, we just went to breakfast

last week, you know, and anyways, so

273

: 00:14:09

I really was like, how do I compete?

274

: 00:14:11

How do I do what I'm doing

and how do I ha help people?

275

: 00:14:15

I knew I wanted to be, I wanted to put

my feet on the ground every day and

276

: 00:14:20

be passionate about what I do and not

feel like it was just a transaction.

277

: 00:14:26

And when I am sitting on a Zoom call or

in front of somebody and their, their

278

: 00:14:33

energy is in the place that I was.

279

: 00:14:36

And they're afraid and I can give them

some hope and I can give them assurance

280

: 00:14:42

or even give them the information.

281

: 00:14:44

Sometimes it's not what they want to hear.

282

: 00:14:47

Right.

283

: 00:14:48

Sometimes it's not.

284

: 00:14:49

Sometimes I get a lot of tears, right?

285

: 00:14:51

Like they think it's one thing and then

I explain to 'em that's another thing.

286

: 00:14:57

And they're, they don't understand.

287

: 00:14:59

Um, and they, it's not what

they wanted to hear, right?

288

: 00:15:03

Because it's a legal process and a lot

of times it's a financial process, right?

289

: 00:15:10

Breaking up all your assets

and all that kind of stuff.

290

: 00:15:14

Um, but I come at it with

a very empathetic heart.

291

: 00:15:19

Mm-hmm.

292

: 00:15:21

And I think people feel that from me.

293

: 00:15:23

'cause I say, look, when I

went through my divorce, yeah.

294

: 00:15:26

I can come at it.

295

: 00:15:27

Like, I know what you're feeling.

296

: 00:15:29

I know you're afraid.

297

: 00:15:31

I know the house feels.

298

: 00:15:33

Very safe to you because

that's where you live.

299

: 00:15:37

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

300

: 00:15:38

Speaker 2: And it's a very

emotional tie to the marital home.

301

: 00:15:43

That's where you may have thrown

parties where your kids grew up.

302

: 00:15:46

Your kids might have

been born in the house.

303

: 00:15:48

Your, your, your, your friends came over.

304

: 00:15:51

You have great memories, but

sometimes you have bad memories too.

305

: 00:15:55

Speaker: Right,

306

: 00:15:56

Speaker 2: right.

307

: 00:15:56

So taking some of that emotion out

or helping them see past that, that

308

: 00:16:02

there could be a light on the other

side without necessarily being

309

: 00:16:09

tied to that piece of real estate.

310

: 00:16:12

Speaker: Right.

311

: 00:16:13

Speaker 2: What did

those options look like?

312

: 00:16:16

And then if at the end of the day I

tell everybody, if at the end of the

313

: 00:16:20

day you know all of your options and you

pick whatever's right for you and your

314

: 00:16:25

family, then that's the right answer.

315

: 00:16:28

Speaker: Well, and you, no one better

than you to say that because as you

316

: 00:16:32

keep talking, I do keep thinking,

Tammy, about how you really did

317

: 00:16:37

stay clear on what you were doing.

318

: 00:16:40

You did not sway away

from who you were helping.

319

: 00:16:46

Um, which is gonna kinda

lead us into Instagram.

320

: 00:16:48

And the reason this is hitting

me is because I'm a person who

321

: 00:16:53

can get a little lettuce astray.

322

: 00:16:57

Well, maybe I'll do a few adoptions.

323

: 00:16:59

Well, maybe I'll, you know, and I, I've

got, well, this, this podcast was born

324

: 00:17:05

of me going through something hard and

wanting to help women, you know, feel

325

: 00:17:11

empowered and less afraid, which is

what I was doing for the divorce crowd.

326

: 00:17:15

So I kinda, I'm a little

jelly at your focus and that

327

: 00:17:19

you are so comfortable in it.

328

: 00:17:22

I love that.

329

: 00:17:23

I love that about you.

330

: 00:17:24

And I'm gonna learn from you and

I'm gonna read the blue ocean.

331

: 00:17:28

Yeah.

332

: 00:17:29

Speaker 2: Well, I

haven't always been right.

333

: 00:17:31

I did, like I said, there was a

lot of noise to tell me, like, you,

334

: 00:17:35

you know, you would do so much more

volume, you'd close so many more

335

: 00:17:40

loans, especially when everybody was

trying to assume their mortgages.

336

: 00:17:43

Yeah.

337

: 00:17:45

Um, that does nothing for me.

338

: 00:17:47

Right.

339

: 00:17:48

I'm a mortgage lender and I

make money by closing loans.

340

: 00:17:51

Right.

341

: 00:17:52

But.

342

: 00:17:53

That's, that's okay.

343

: 00:17:55

Because when I started understanding

what that process was about, I was

344

: 00:18:00

like, oh, um, that may be good for

some people, but not in all cases.

345

: 00:18:07

Right.

346

: 00:18:07

Right.

347

: 00:18:08

And if I'm in front of enough people

and can explain the process and where,

348

: 00:18:12

where the gaps are within that, um,

and I kind of became an expert at that.

349

: 00:18:18

Speaker 3: Right.

350

: 00:18:18

Speaker 2: Um, then I was able to dial

in and like I said, if it was right

351

: 00:18:23

for them and their family, guess what?

352

: 00:18:26

People that assumed their mortgages

and then referred their friend to me

353

: 00:18:31

that couldn't assume their mortgage.

354

: 00:18:34

Right.

355

: 00:18:35

It just all, that's how

the universe works, right.

356

: 00:18:38

It just, if you do the right thing

and give people the right direction.

357

: 00:18:43

They're just super eternally.

358

: 00:18:45

I have people that come back to me.

359

: 00:18:47

I talked to you two years

ago, or I talked to, right.

360

: 00:18:50

Like I assumed my mortgage and now

I'm selling and buying something new.

361

: 00:18:54

Speaker: Yep, yep.

362

: 00:18:55

Which I think, okay, so now I wanna

talk a little bit about that Instagram.

363

: 00:18:59

Speaker 2: Hmm.

364

: 00:19:00

Speaker: Because I think when

I first met you, I don't think

365

: 00:19:03

you had a lot of followers.

366

: 00:19:04

I didn't.

367

: 00:19:05

Yeah.

368

: 00:19:06

Speaker 2: Now in October of last

year, I know these numbers 'cause

369

: 00:19:11

I think it's the baffling as well.

370

: 00:19:14

Well, I love it.

371

: 00:19:17

Tell me where you were in October.

372

: 00:19:19

October of 24, I had 800 followers.

373

: 00:19:24

Speaker: Okay.

374

: 00:19:25

So that's even, I'm a little under

that right now on the divorce podcast.

375

: 00:19:29

Yeah.

376

: 00:19:29

Okay.

377

: 00:19:29

So then what ha And I just sit there.

378

: 00:19:32

I don't know.

379

: 00:19:33

Yeah,

380

: 00:19:34

Speaker 2: I

381

: 00:19:34

Speaker: did too.

382

: 00:19:35

Okay.

383

: 00:19:35

So,

384

: 00:19:35

Speaker 2: well, I actually hired people.

385

: 00:19:38

Okay.

386

: 00:19:38

At some point to post for me.

387

: 00:19:40

'cause I thought that that could do it.

388

: 00:19:42

Right.

389

: 00:19:42

Because if you, you know, social media

is like this baffling thing that um,

390

: 00:19:49

you know, just people just post on

it, just post your stuff on there.

391

: 00:19:53

But if you know about it and once you

start learning, you can post all day

392

: 00:19:57

long and if only 10 people are seeing

it, it's kind of a waste of energy.

393

: 00:20:02

Right.

394

: 00:20:03

Right.

395

: 00:20:03

The same 10 people see your stuff.

396

: 00:20:07

Like, it's your mom and your sister,

auntie Mary, and they always like it.

397

: 00:20:14

And you're like,

398

: 00:20:18

Speaker: so, okay.

399

: 00:20:19

But I don't think that when you hired

people that it made that big of a

400

: 00:20:23

difference or did it, I thought was

401

: 00:20:25

Speaker 2: actually the opposite.

402

: 00:20:27

Speaker: So tell me what changed?

403

: 00:20:28

So I paid

404

: 00:20:28

Speaker 2: all this money for people

to post and to have these beautiful

405

: 00:20:31

graphics and do all this stuff

and you know, and it did nothing.

406

: 00:20:36

I wasn't growing.

407

: 00:20:37

And I was like, why is

my Instagram not growing?

408

: 00:20:39

Like, you're posting, you're

doing the things, you know.

409

: 00:20:43

'cause social media is social.

410

: 00:20:48

If you are gonna be on social media, you

have, people will look for community.

411

: 00:20:52

They look for a connection with you.

412

: 00:20:55

They look for just like you would.

413

: 00:20:57

Mm-hmm.

414

: 00:20:57

Who do you follow?

415

: 00:20:58

Who do you like?

416

: 00:21:00

Who do you like, oh, here's their video.

417

: 00:21:03

You like people that are authentic.

418

: 00:21:05

I think people are getting more away

from the very, um, edited videos where

419

: 00:21:13

they look really professional, you know?

420

: 00:21:16

Mm-hmm.

421

: 00:21:17

Speaker 3: Um,

422

: 00:21:18

Speaker 2: people like that.

423

: 00:21:19

People are sitting on their bed, the

edge of their bed, talking to them

424

: 00:21:23

like, it's like you're their sister.

425

: 00:21:25

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

426

: 00:21:27

Speaker 2: Um, I got away from feeling

that I needed to be, have my makeup and

427

: 00:21:33

hair done all the time, and I needed

to present this certain image because

428

: 00:21:39

Lisa, if I got on a call with you, I

would just be like, we would just be

429

: 00:21:43

like, well, this is what we just did.

430

: 00:21:45

Right.

431

: 00:21:46

We're not, yeah.

432

: 00:21:47

All made up and you know, like, like,

you know, if we were gonna go out to a,

433

: 00:21:53

a ball or something, you know mm-hmm.

434

: 00:21:56

We're just girls.

435

: 00:21:57

Right.

436

: 00:21:58

Talking and people like that.

437

: 00:22:00

And if you've ever listened to podcasts, I

think the draw with podcasts is you almost

438

: 00:22:06

feel like you're sitting in the same room

with two people that are just chatting.

439

: 00:22:10

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

440

: 00:22:12

Speaker 2: And that was when I realized

like, oh, my Instagram, I needed to be

441

: 00:22:17

able to connect with people, connect

with people that are going through

442

: 00:22:22

something that I went through that may,

that I may put some my, my spin on.

443

: 00:22:30

Um, a certain way that I looked at

my divorce, how I felt when I was

444

: 00:22:35

going through my divorce, like what

it made me feel like, give them hope

445

: 00:22:42

that there's light on the other side.

446

: 00:22:45

So is it kind of your story?

447

: 00:22:48

Is it kind of sharing your story?

448

: 00:22:50

Or?

449

: 00:22:51

If I see something that hits

me, I'm like, oh, I love that.

450

: 00:22:54

I'm gonna share that.

451

: 00:22:56

Right, right.

452

: 00:22:57

And that's when things are like, oh,

other people feel this way, then they

453

: 00:23:03

start sharing it with their friends.

454

: 00:23:06

Speaker: Okay.

455

: 00:23:07

So I love that.

456

: 00:23:08

So, sh I don't even see, I'm a

grandma, I don't know much about this.

457

: 00:23:13

So when you, like, I'll see

something that I like and

458

: 00:23:16

sometimes I'll put it on my story.

459

: 00:23:18

Mm-hmm.

460

: 00:23:19

Is that how you share it

or is there a different,

461

: 00:23:21

Speaker 2: you know how

you click the arrow?

462

: 00:23:23

Yep.

463

: 00:23:24

And then you can actually, so I

send it a lot of stuff to my kids.

464

: 00:23:27

They get annoyed, but I'll

see a reel or something.

465

: 00:23:30

Yes.

466

: 00:23:31

That strikes me as funny.

467

: 00:23:33

They never, I don't even know if

they look at it, but they, I'm always

468

: 00:23:36

like, didn't you see that real I sent?

469

: 00:23:40

But anyways, yeah, that's how you,

so you can share it and you can

470

: 00:23:43

click it and make it a link, right.

471

: 00:23:45

So that you can text it to somebody

or email it to somebody or whatever

472

: 00:23:49

and be like, isn't that funny?

473

: 00:23:51

Or Right.

474

: 00:23:52

You know, something that hit you as being

cute or funny or, you know, whatever.

475

: 00:23:59

Um, uh, impactful.

476

: 00:24:03

And then, um, so people share.

477

: 00:24:06

Instagram really likes things

that people are sharing or saving.

478

: 00:24:11

And I get, a lot of times

people share, save a lot of my

479

: 00:24:14

posts, like for later maybe.

480

: 00:24:17

Because as we know, divorce

is a long process sometimes.

481

: 00:24:21

Mm-hmm.

482

: 00:24:21

And sometimes you're in contemplation

stage and you haven't even told

483

: 00:24:25

your spouse you're getting,

you wanna get a divorce yet.

484

: 00:24:29

Right.

485

: 00:24:29

So things may be coming up, you may

be researching, you may be looking

486

: 00:24:33

at stuff, you may be, you know, just

trying to get all your ducks in a row.

487

: 00:24:40

Speaker: Yep.

488

: 00:24:41

Okay.

489

: 00:24:41

So you started sharing some stories.

490

: 00:24:45

Mm-hmm.

491

: 00:24:45

You started doing more videos and

they're not always videos of you.

492

: 00:24:49

Yeah.

493

: 00:24:49

Where are you doing those videos?

494

: 00:24:51

Speaker 2: They, so I just use, um, like

sites like Canva or you know, where you

495

: 00:24:57

can pull, um, graphics or you can pull

video from, and then you just put whatever

496

: 00:25:05

words you feel like are impactful.

497

: 00:25:08

Right.

498

: 00:25:08

And how,

499

: 00:25:10

Speaker: how often are you doing that?

500

: 00:25:12

Speaker 2: I, I do my Instagram every

day, but I'm kind of obsessed with it

501

: 00:25:15

now because I've seen, when you see

success from something, you're like, oh,

502

: 00:25:21

Speaker: so tell me how

much time does that take

503

: 00:25:24

Speaker 2: now?

504

: 00:25:25

I could do a post in five minutes.

505

: 00:25:27

Right.

506

: 00:25:28

So is it five minutes a day?

507

: 00:25:29

Is it could be.

508

: 00:25:33

You know, I posted a video this morning

where I was standing right here.

509

: 00:25:36

You could go on my Instagram right now.

510

: 00:25:38

I was standing right where I'm standing

right now talking to you, and I was

511

: 00:25:43

like, oh, I'm gonna do a quick video.

512

: 00:25:45

I did a quick video.

513

: 00:25:46

I didn't analyze it.

514

: 00:25:48

Yep.

515

: 00:25:50

I didn't script it.

516

: 00:25:52

I just said, this is what I wanna say.

517

: 00:25:55

I said it, and I think it

was about why I do what I do.

518

: 00:25:59

That's exactly what I did.

519

: 00:26:00

I said, people ask me all

the time why I do what I do.

520

: 00:26:05

And I said, I do what I do because

I want to help women, believe it

521

: 00:26:10

or not, my Instagram, even though

men do follow me on Instagram.

522

: 00:26:15

Um, but my, um, but my analytics

are more about 80% are women

523

: 00:26:21

Speaker: and I need And tell, tell us now,

Tammy, how many followers do you have?

524

: 00:26:26

I think I'm close to 40,000.

525

: 00:26:28

Isn't that crazy?

526

: 00:26:30

Speaker 2: Super crazy.

527

: 00:26:31

Speaker: I love that.

528

: 00:26:32

For you, do you get a lot

of business from Instagram?

529

: 00:26:35

Ton.

530

: 00:26:36

Tons.

531

: 00:26:37

Okay.

532

: 00:26:37

Yeah,

533

: 00:26:38

Speaker 2: that is just so

everybody that's on my calendar,

534

: 00:26:41

most people are on my calendar.

535

: 00:26:44

I think my calendar's booked

out through May right now.

536

: 00:26:47

Speaker: Wow.

537

: 00:26:47

And they're mostly from Instagram?

538

: 00:26:49

Speaker 2: Yeah.

539

: 00:26:50

'cause I have a, where did you, you

know, obviously if, um, like you

540

: 00:26:54

refer a client or somebody to me,

you would email me and then I would.

541

: 00:26:59

You know, fit them in or whatever.

542

: 00:27:01

But if somebody just drops on

my calendar unintentionally,

543

: 00:27:05

it's usually from social media.

544

: 00:27:07

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

545

: 00:27:07

Speaker 2: That

546

: 00:27:08

Speaker: is so, so cool.

547

: 00:27:10

Okay, and here's the thing.

548

: 00:27:11

I'm looking at the time and we're

like almost outta time, and I have

549

: 00:27:14

to, we have to talk about meditation

because sweetheart, I need it.

550

: 00:27:18

I need your calm demeanor.

551

: 00:27:21

Ha.

552

: 00:27:21

But have you always been calm?

553

: 00:27:23

Do you think I so, no.

554

: 00:27:25

Speaker 2: You know what my nickname,

you know what my nickname was for

555

: 00:27:28

years in the mortgage business.

556

: 00:27:30

No, this will make you laugh.

557

: 00:27:33

The redhead tornado.

558

: 00:27:36

Speaker: Okay.

559

: 00:27:37

That does make me laugh

because I'm not killing you.

560

: 00:27:41

Kidding?

561

: 00:27:41

You're like my chillest friend.

562

: 00:27:44

You're seem, you're so like I love it.

563

: 00:27:47

I mean, it's like a nice

bro, like fresh air for Lisa.

564

: 00:27:52

Speaker 2: Wow.

565

: 00:27:53

Because that is that.

566

: 00:27:55

So, yeah.

567

: 00:27:56

So I, um, I've been meditating now.

568

: 00:27:59

I was off and on just like

we do with any practice.

569

: 00:28:02

It's like a practice, like

yoga is a practice, right?

570

: 00:28:06

Mm-hmm.

571

: 00:28:07

You have to learn how

to do it, how to sit.

572

: 00:28:11

You're not trying to push out

these thoughts that you have, Lisa.

573

: 00:28:14

Nobody can do that.

574

: 00:28:17

Speaker: So what do, so, okay, let's just

do a quick little three minute course on,

575

: 00:28:22

if I were to start doing this, what would

576

: 00:28:25

Speaker 2: you, I, if I, if you

wanted to start meditating, I would

577

: 00:28:30

start with a guided meditation

578

: 00:28:33

Speaker: and I'm super duper Christian.

579

: 00:28:36

Mm-hmm.

580

: 00:28:36

So that sometimes I get

afraid of these guided ones.

581

: 00:28:39

I know there's a paused.

582

: 00:28:40

That's

583

: 00:28:41

Speaker 2: interesting that you said

that because I was having a conversation

584

: 00:28:43

with my mother about it, and she

looked on one of the sites that I, um.

585

: 00:28:49

Somebody that I follow, and

that's a retreat that I went to.

586

: 00:28:54

This, there's science behind this.

587

: 00:28:57

This is not like, um, there's

actual science, right?

588

: 00:29:02

Yeah.

589

: 00:29:02

There we're all made up of energy

and the more, you know, the more

590

: 00:29:07

you focus on certain things.

591

: 00:29:08

Mm-hmm.

592

: 00:29:09

And a lot of times when people have

sickness, it's energy that's bound up.

593

: 00:29:14

Yes.

594

: 00:29:14

Right?

595

: 00:29:14

Yes.

596

: 00:29:15

Um, and you probably

believe in that, right?

597

: 00:29:18

Oh,

598

: 00:29:18

Speaker: I absolutely, in fact, in

my show notes, I always have JJ Zas.

599

: 00:29:24

Um, it's a core wounds course that I took

600

: 00:29:27

Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

601

: 00:29:28

Speaker 3: Talks

602

: 00:29:28

Speaker: a lot about mm-hmm.

603

: 00:29:30

Things like that.

604

: 00:29:31

So, no, I'm following you there.

605

: 00:29:33

Speaker 2: Yeah.

606

: 00:29:34

Speaker: So, um.

607

: 00:29:36

And here's, I like want it to be fun.

608

: 00:29:38

Like I want it to be

something I look like.

609

: 00:29:40

I honestly am a person

who loves to work out.

610

: 00:29:43

I could, I could probably have been

a trainer because I just love it.

611

: 00:29:47

Yeah.

612

: 00:29:47

It just gives me energy and it's so fun.

613

: 00:29:50

Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

614

: 00:29:50

But

615

: 00:29:50

Speaker: for some reason sitting

down and quieting my mind is about

616

: 00:29:55

the hardest thing I could ever do.

617

: 00:29:57

Speaker 2: Well, you're not

really trying to quiet your mind.

618

: 00:29:59

You're trying to allow the thoughts to

come in and go out and you're trying

619

: 00:30:05

to, that's why a guided meditation.

620

: 00:30:07

I follow Dr.

621

: 00:30:08

Joe Dispenza, which,

622

: 00:30:10

Speaker: oh yeah, I've, I think

I've looked at some of his stuff.

623

: 00:30:13

Speaker 2: Yeah.

624

: 00:30:14

And he's got a lot of, if you go on

YouTube, there's a lot of testimonials

625

: 00:30:19

of people that have had some serious

chronic and cancers and all kinds

626

: 00:30:26

of things that have really, um, I.

627

: 00:30:30

I guess, um, focused on their

meditation practice and, um,

628

: 00:30:35

changed a lot of their energy

629

: 00:30:38

Speaker: mm-hmm.

630

: 00:30:38

Speaker 2: And changed some

of these diagnoses, so like,

631

: 00:30:42

have turned them around.

632

: 00:30:44

Speaker: Right.

633

: 00:30:45

Is it something that you

look forward to doing?

634

: 00:30:48

Speaker 2: I do, because I

know what the outcome is.

635

: 00:30:53

Speaker: Okay.

636

: 00:30:54

And so when you like

637

: 00:30:55

Speaker 2: working out, it's not super

fun to work out, but if you love putting

638

: 00:31:00

on your team, I don't even think I

639

: 00:31:01

Speaker: see at this age.

640

: 00:31:02

I don't know.

641

: 00:31:02

I can pick up grandkids and throw 'em

around and run around a playground.

642

: 00:31:05

I don't know if I look like great in a

swimming suit, but I don't even Right.

643

: 00:31:09

It's just funny how that changes.

644

: 00:31:11

Mm-hmm.

645

: 00:31:12

Okay.

646

: 00:31:12

So now I'm just thinking, so this

afternoon I'm gonna take some time,

647

: 00:31:17

like, how, how long do I need to do this?

648

: 00:31:20

Speaker 2: Try

649

: 00:31:23

and I don't have, if you're gonna

change your diet, you're not gonna be

650

: 00:31:27

like, I'm getting rid of gluten sugar.

651

: 00:31:30

Well, I, I probably would,

652

: 00:31:32

Speaker: I probably would do that.

653

: 00:31:34

Okay.

654

: 00:31:34

So I'm gonna, and I'm not,

and I do like to think like,

655

: 00:31:38

I like to daydream and things.

656

: 00:31:39

So what you're saying, it's kind of

gonna be like a daydream fun thing

657

: 00:31:43

for me where I let that thought in.

658

: 00:31:46

But then how do you let it go, go?

659

: 00:31:48

You just come

660

: 00:31:48

Speaker 2: back to like, oh, this is what

I'm doing and you know where to focus on.

661

: 00:31:52

Um, I would suggest doing some, there's

some apps you can use and Headspace, A

662

: 00:31:59

lot of times people use is a, an, an app.

663

: 00:32:02

The people like, um, Dr.

664

: 00:32:05

Dispenza has, um, walking

meditation, so sometimes

665

: 00:32:09

Speaker: that would be

fabulous for me, right?

666

: 00:32:11

Speaker 2: That you can wear

headphones and be outside and are

667

: 00:32:15

Speaker: those real?

668

: 00:32:15

Is that the same benefit as, because

that sounds like a total Lisa thing,

669

: 00:32:22

but like sitting down in a chair

and trying to breathe deep is hard.

670

: 00:32:26

I

671

: 00:32:26

Speaker 2: think that sometimes people use

the word meditation differently, right?

672

: 00:32:33

And it's just a focus or it's a

practice of going within yourself and

673

: 00:32:39

just, uh, you know, reprogramming,

kind of your subconscious.

674

: 00:32:43

Okay.

675

: 00:32:43

There's a lot, lot of things in

your subconscious that drive us.

676

: 00:32:48

We only use 5% of our right brain to.

677

: 00:32:54

Interact every day.

678

: 00:32:55

Right.

679

: 00:32:55

Speaker: And this really does fit in

with my life and my work because I know

680

: 00:33:02

that I know about, there's some beliefs

that I have that even though I can

681

: 00:33:07

look at 'em and go, that's not true.

682

: 00:33:09

There's something way deep

inside that still believing that.

683

: 00:33:12

And that's why I kind of try to go back.

684

: 00:33:15

Mm-hmm.

685

: 00:33:15

So I totally agree and

get what you're saying.

686

: 00:33:19

And here's the deal.

687

: 00:33:21

I wanna have you back in a month

and I'm gonna tell you I'm going

688

: 00:33:24

to actually take 10 minutes a day.

689

: 00:33:27

Speaker 2: Okay.

690

: 00:33:28

Speaker: And then I wanna come back

and I wanna talk to you and I wanna

691

: 00:33:31

see if anything's changed because, and

you know, at this moment right now,

692

: 00:33:37

I'm super happy, but I feel a little

bit rushy and I don't wanna feel rushy

693

: 00:33:43

because there was a period of time where

I felt, um, very comfortable feeling.

694

: 00:33:53

Chilled, you know, just like relaxed.

695

: 00:33:56

Mm-hmm.

696

: 00:33:56

And, mm-hmm.

697

: 00:33:57

So I'd like, I, I know

what that feels like now.

698

: 00:34:01

Mm-hmm.

699

: 00:34:01

And I don't wanna just jump back into

how I, you know, felt before I was cured.

700

: 00:34:06

Right.

701

: 00:34:06

Yeah.

702

: 00:34:06

'cause who knows, that could be something

703

: 00:34:09

Speaker 2: so, well, stress

strives a lot of Yep.

704

: 00:34:12

You know, and you may not

understand that you're stressed.

705

: 00:34:18

Right, right.

706

: 00:34:19

You may just feel that

that's just the way of life.

707

: 00:34:23

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.

708

: 00:34:23

Speaker 2: But your body might

be reacting differently, your

709

: 00:34:27

cortisol levels and stuff like that.

710

: 00:34:29

Right.

711

: 00:34:29

Speaker: And I'm like all like I

got this little aura ring that's

712

: 00:34:32

tells me lots and I think it'll be

a really good thing with my sleep.

713

: 00:34:36

And another thing I think my

listeners know, so when I went

714

: 00:34:40

through the catch in the stage one

breast cancer, I went on anxiety meds

715

: 00:34:45

because my head was spinning out.

716

: 00:34:48

And now I have weaned off of those.

717

: 00:34:50

And so now it's gonna be

really important for me.

718

: 00:34:54

And if I have to go back

on, I'm good with that.

719

: 00:34:57

But I wanna see if I can use more tools.

720

: 00:35:01

And so.

721

: 00:35:02

Let's see what happens.

722

: 00:35:03

Let's get back together and then

it'll gimme an excuse to sit down.

723

: 00:35:07

Yeah, yeah,

724

: 00:35:08

Speaker 2: definitely.

725

: 00:35:09

And I find for myself, you know, if

I can do it for five or 10 minutes,

726

: 00:35:14

then I do it for five or 10 minutes.

727

: 00:35:16

Sometimes I can do it for an hour,

sometimes I can do it for 20 minutes.

728

: 00:35:19

Like I don't, I give

myself grace for that.

729

: 00:35:22

I just try to do it consistently.

730

: 00:35:25

Consistency in anything we do is key.

731

: 00:35:29

Speaker: Amen.

732

: 00:35:29

In everything.

733

: 00:35:30

In what you eat.

734

: 00:35:32

In, in everything.

735

: 00:35:33

Speaker 2: Yeah.

736

: 00:35:34

Speaker: Yep.

737

: 00:35:34

Okay.

738

: 00:35:35

All right honey, thank you so much.

739

: 00:35:37

I love, I feel like I was just pulling

your brain apart and I so appreciate it.

740

: 00:35:42

It was, it was so fun.

741

: 00:35:43

And we're gonna get you back so

we can talk about, sounds like.

742

: 00:35:47

Okay.

743

: 00:35:48

Yeah.

744

: 00:35:48

And if you wanna hear more, just

head to doing divorce different and

745

: 00:35:52

listen to Tammy talk about all the

good divorce things, but also about.

746

: 00:35:57

It's more than that.

747

: 00:35:58

I mean, you can listen to it

about divorce, but it's about

748

: 00:36:00

going through something hard, so

749

: 00:36:02

Speaker 2: Yeah.

750

: 00:36:02

Yeah.

751

: 00:36:03

And you can come out on

the other side and it, yes.

752

: 00:36:05

You can't.

753

: 00:36:06

The only way out is through

754

: 00:36:08

Speaker: Amen.

755

: 00:36:09

Yep, yep.

756

: 00:36:10

And it's from what my experience going

through those hard things, it's so

757

: 00:36:15

much more beautiful on the other side.

758

: 00:36:17

It just takes you a

little while to get there.

759

: 00:36:19

You

760

: 00:36:19

Speaker 2: learn so much about yourself.

761

: 00:36:21

You

762

: 00:36:21

Speaker: do.

763

: 00:36:21

I love that

764

: 00:36:22

Speaker 2: it's extreme.

765

: 00:36:23

Yeah.

766

: 00:36:24

Speaker: Yes, yes.

767

: 00:36:25

All right, Tammy, thank

you so much for being here.

768

: 00:36:27

You,

769

: 00:36:29

Speaker 2: thank you.