Mend Your Heart, Find Your Strength: The Ride to Healing & Renewal

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Welcome to Saddle Up Live.

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This is an extremely fun podcast

episode to me, and it was really

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fun for me to dig it out because you

know how much I love JJ Flazain and

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she is, I'm an affiliate of hers.

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I, I so strongly recommend her courses

and she's been a guest on Saddle Up Live.

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This.

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This is an interesting episode.

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This podcast, this podcast hasn't

been going that long, but the doing

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divorce different podcast has been

airing for, I think over four years or.

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Yeah, I think, oh, or

maybe almost four years.

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Sorry.

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I can't remember for sure, but this

is one of my early episodes and it's

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when I first meet JJ and you can

tell I'm nervous because she is a big

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deal, but I love her and her message.

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And I wanted to share this with you too.

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So welcome and enjoy this show.

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Speaker: You're featured in shape

and fitness and women's health.

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You've been on nbc cbs and fox And um,

and that's why I think you're a little

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familiar to me because you're in that

world that I watch a lot But I think

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that our well being is so tied to our

health, our emotions, our wellness.

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And so that's why I want to bring you in

to teach, you know, teach my listeners

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how going through this process, they

can still Be in power and not unafraid.

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And so I first want to get a little

bit of a story about how you got into

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doing what you're doing, because,

you know, you have an interesting

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background and you do a lot of things.

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Speaker 2: I do.

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And you told me that this

show is only 20 or 30 minutes.

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So let me, um, cause that

that story could be 20 or 30

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Speaker 3: minutes.

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Uh, okay.

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Highlights, uh, actress, singer,

dancer, turned personal trainer,

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performer, educator, teacher, turned

podcaster, always wanted to, I've been

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interested in emotions and astrology

and psychology and law of attraction.

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And it just, Sort of just kept

snowballing into deeper questions

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and expansive points of view.

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And I myself actually started my

podcast, uh, to save my marriage.

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So I know that I did fit to love.

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So I don't know if the

one that's right up here.

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So fit to love was, uh, my original

show and it was an outlet that

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I needed to teach and to put

out into the world that which.

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I was learning and wanted to share.

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And at the same time,

I was also a trainer.

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I was teaching people how to

eat paleo gluten free, dairy

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free keto, easy cooking.

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I was doing cooking shows and

personal training, fitness

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shows, and also dealing with.

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You know, all the aspects of a person.

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That's why my, the mind body soul

behind me is like, you can't, you

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can't compartmentalize one part of your

life and think it doesn't influence

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or bleed over into another, how you

do one thing is how you do everything.

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The belief system that runs you

influences every choice you make.

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And what people don't realize a lot of

times is you can choose your beliefs.

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And if you haven't chosen your

beliefs, they've chosen you by default.

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So you're operating from a system that

you haven't even evaluated to see if it

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fits your life and where you want to go.

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And so that's how I started my podcast.

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And then it just turned into,

just kept snowballing from there.

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And I got more and more into, let's

say, just the law of attraction.

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epigenetics, quantum physics, because

to me, that's the top of everything.

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Like all medical, all chemistry, all

biology is influenced by those things.

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And so we can't, again, we can't separate

them because they, it's, It's like you

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take it out of out of that world, and

you're looking at it independently,

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but you don't realize that the major

influences are your beliefs, how you see

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the world, what it is you're looking at

the picture that you have in your mind.

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And and so with that, I've

moved into business coaching,

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which is mind, body and soul.

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I've got a mastermind.

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I have my own trainers that I'm

training the empowerment strategist

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certification to help me serve the

world with the tools that I use with

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my clients, while I can't make the mini

me's I can try and I can give them the

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tools because I'm working with a lot of

cancer patients now that work with Dr.

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Nisha Winters and and just anyone who

recognizes that there's something missing

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that I don't feel I don't feel secure and

solid in in what's going on with me Like

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I feel like there's something more and

as someone who's been through a divorce

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who worked Tirelessly, and probably did

every tool I had at the time and more.

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I mean, I've learned some new things since

starting my show that I didn't use, but

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I, I exhausted all kinds of different

therapeutic tools for myself to change.

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The only thing I have

control over, which is me

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Speaker 2: and

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Speaker 3: brought that to my marriage.

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Now, there was nothing wrong

with what had happened.

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It was perfect.

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The way that it went from, you

know, choosing it to ending

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it to everything in between.

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Was divine timing to get me here

so I wouldn't change a thing

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Speaker 2: and I think

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Speaker 3: that that's something that

people are that are going through a

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divorce when we get into the blame game

and I heard I know you're a mediator

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and you didn't and that that topic is

so you know one of the things that I

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focused on this entire time and always.

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Do is taking your power back

instantaneously by not being a victim

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by trying to see things from a different

perspective that life is always working

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out for you and that the choices and

beliefs that you have made up until

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now are serving you and it and it isn't

to be blamed because when we get into

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that disempowering, it's your fault.

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You betrayed me.

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You did this.

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You did that.

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There's no winning that conversation ever.

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It will always feel bad.

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It will never feel good.

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You're never going to feel

empowered being a victim.

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Yum.

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So I go to the extreme other side and

say, take responsibility for everything

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because from that vantage point, there's

something for you to do about it or

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something for you to learn about it

or some way for you to grow with it.

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But if we go to the other side of

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Speaker: blame, there's

no way out of that.

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And you know, JJ, you're, what

you're saying hits home because

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so many of my clients or people

that I know who maybe entered into

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the divorce and didn't want it.

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When they get to the other side, they're

so thankful they went through it.

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Doesn't make it easier at the time,

but for people to know that it is for

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them and that they're not a victim,

I love that and I did just listen.

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I think you just did a workshop and

there were people talking about and I

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thought, Oh, she doesn't sugarcoat things.

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And you know, sometimes when I talk

to my clients, it can be hard to hear.

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You know, it can be hard when you're

feeling sad to hear, like when my

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husband tells me not to be a victim,

sometimes I feel like I want to punch

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him in the face, you know, because that's

hard to hear, but it's so, so true.

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And you know, I just have to tell you,

so I kind of stalk people, you know,

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when I know they're going to be on and I

was driving and I wrote something down.

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And I just want you to talk about it a

little bit because I also have a coach

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and she has said this, but for some reason

when I listened, it resonated with me,

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um, so well, and it was, you said you

were talking about feelings and how you

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have to feel it before you get there.

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And you said the only reason you want

anything is because you think it'll

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make you feel better and you cannot

get it until you feel the feeling.

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So you can't really get there until

you feel feel the feeling that you're

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looking for and then when you do.

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You don't need it.

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Ah, I don't know.

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That was like, um, I felt like I got

struck by lightning and my coach was like,

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I've told you that a million times, but

so true, and I think it's kind of tied

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in with changing your thoughts or your

beliefs as you referred to it, so can you.

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Give my listeners.

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I mean, I think especially for the people

who maybe don't want this some people are

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ready for the divorce and they want to

move forward and that's a little different

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than if you Don't feel ready for it.

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And the other person is you

have some advice on how they can

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Yeah, I taught a little

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Speaker 3: mini course, if you will,

it was a three step process that I

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taught at my workshop this past weekend.

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It's on one of my shows, it's

on fit to love episode 118,

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like way back in the beginning.

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I'm getting ready to do my 600

episode in a couple of weeks.

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So way in the beginning, 100,

um, episode 118, three steps

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to effective communication.

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And I'll give you the link

to download these sheets.

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It's Jadafulzaines.

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com forward slash feelings list.

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So plural feelings list.

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Speaker: And we have

in the show notes, so.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you can download

the needs and feelings list and the

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vibrational scale to show you sort

of where you are and where you want

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to go and what little changes you

can make just to feel a little bit

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better and get a little bit of relief.

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But whether you're going through a

divorce process or not, and honestly,

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I've had people who come to me and

their marriage is about ready to

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crack open and they're still together.

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Because it's the idea that, so I'm not

saying, you know, I don't know how far

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in the divorce process everybody is who's

listening to your show, but if they're

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just beginning and they don't want it, uh,

this, Work could help you either not need

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it or feel better during it, and realize

why you're there in the first place.

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Because you can't change the other

person, but you can change you.

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And when you change your energy, change

influences others around you and how they

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react to you because you are different.

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And I've done this over and over again,

both in my marriage as well as in my life.

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So, uh, so the three step process.

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Is to, first of all, most people aren't

really aware of their feelings and the

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reason why that probably struck you

is because we have a lot of words, we

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have a lot of ideas and beliefs and

tools and programs to like get things.

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We're like, Oh, you want more money?

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Oh, you want a relationship?

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Oh, you want a divorce?

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Oh, you want to whatever,

whatever it is that you want.

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And the bottom line is, this is

why I, you know, I'm, I've been

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harping on this for 20 years.

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Uh, is the only, the only

thing that matters literally.

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It's how you feel.

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That's the only reason

why you're doing anything.

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It's like to feel better.

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Period.

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End of story.

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Like anything that you

want, like evaluate that.

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Oh, I want to have a retirement plan.

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Why?

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So I can feel security.

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So I can feel safe.

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Okay.

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I want a relationship.

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Why?

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So I can feel love and support.

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Okay.

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I want to lose weight.

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Why?

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So when I look in the mirror, I like

myself and I feel better about myself.

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Like every single freaking thing

in your life is about how you feel.

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Period.

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So, so with that in mind, Starting

with being aware of what your feelings

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are is really important, and most

people don't have a language for that.

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So, uh, on the feelings list, there are

a hundred different feelings words, so

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you can start with that and say, well,

how, because each different feeling

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has a different vibration and frequency

to it, like a little different tone.

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I talk a lot about gratitude

appreciation, rampage appreciation,

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which is the law of attraction.

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And I'm, and I get a little,

and again, it's my thing, but

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you know, words have energy.

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It's not really about the word.

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It's about the energy

attached to the word.

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And when you saw, when a lot

of people say gratitude, cause

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that's a huge hot word, right?

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Gratitude.

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What's attached to gratitude a

lot of times is the backstory.

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So on that word, people say, I'm

grateful for this new thing that I

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have because before it was really bad.

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And so what happens is you're attaching

the negative energy to this word.

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So the word a little heavy versus

appreciation, which is normally cleaner.

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I appreciate it's like end of story.

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I appreciate we're

having this conversation.

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I appreciate that it rained

here in Ohio the other day.

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I appreciate my new

jewelry that I have on.

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I appreciate, right.

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There's no backstory and

therefore it's slightly cleaner

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and therefore more powerful.

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So when you look at all the

needs and feelings and all the

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feeling words, uh, each feeling.

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Has a little bit of a different, um,

tone to it, if you will, you know,

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rage is different than irritated.

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Right.

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And so to really clue into where

are you emotionally, so step one

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would be to figure out how you feel.

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Speaker: And you know what, I, I have

to say another thing, another reason

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I think that list is so important,

because often when I ask myself or

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someone else, how are you feeling?

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They reply with a thought.

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You know, we don't even

know how to talk about it.

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So if you have this list to look at, Oh,

you know, you can kind of start to think,

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and I think that will make you more aware.

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So thank you.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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We often, you're right.

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We often talk in like,

I, I think, or I believe.

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Or I feel like, and then we tell a

story, but those aren't feeling words.

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Like, so that doesn't, we

got to get to the bottom of,

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well, what's underneath that.

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I had a therapist client once and she

just would go on and on and on and on

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and on and on about like the story.

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And I stopped her after a year and I said,

there's a lot of words for you're afraid.

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Right.

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Doesn't matter why.

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Doesn't matter how we got here.

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You are afraid.

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You currently have fear.

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So let's just be there.

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We don't need all the words.

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We don't need the story.

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And trust me, I like words.

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But there's, there's, we're addicted

to our stories keeping us stuck

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and we have to get beneath it.

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What's it really about for you?

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And sometimes that exercise just figuring

out the feelings is enough for people.

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However, it's not enough.

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Once you figure out the feeling, you

have to know that the only reason why you

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have a negative feeling is because you

either have a need That's not being met

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or the perception of a need not being met.

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So so step two would be to figure

out Okay, I have my feeling

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i'm feeling whatever Okay,

we'll take me as an example.

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I'm I was feeling uh angry and

sad and frustrated All right.

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So what was the need?

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That was creating this feeling that

perception of the need not being

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met Uh, and i'm gonna say top level,

because this, this worksheet, you

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take a little bit of time with it.

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Respect,

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commitment, uh, my need for commitment,

respect, my need for communication, my

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need for trust, my need for connection.

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Okay.

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All those things are not

being met now in my mind.

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And most people are

going to start this way.

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You can't help it.

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You're going to blame somebody else.

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What you have in your mind is that

that person didn't give me this.

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Okay.

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But here's the, here's the thing

we can't, our needs are our needs,

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regardless of who we're talking

about or whatever the situation is.

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The person in question is just

a mirror to reflect back at you,

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what you are not giving you.

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Right?

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So, so through step three,

so what's the feeling, what's

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the need that's not being met.

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Step three, what are the strategies

I can take to get the need met?

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And this is the important part that do

not require anybody else to be different.

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Love this.

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So in my example, I'm, I was feeling

disrespected or lack of respect,

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disconnection, uh, trust, communication.

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Okay.

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All those things.

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And in my mind, I'm blaming other people.

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But I know this is a mirror.

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So you just turn that mirror around

and say, well, how am I Disrespecting

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myself or not respecting myself because

by the way disrespect is not a feeling

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it's an interpretation but respect

So a need for respect is a thing.

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I have a need for respect and it looks

like this to me for these reasons Okay.

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Well, what's the bottom line?

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Well, then you're not respecting you

because if I'm the point of attraction

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and I'm pulling these people in and

they're responding to me Then I have

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to start with what I'm not doing

for me And what does that look like?

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And once I figured that out, oh, I had

an action plan of what to do about it.

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So I think that, and again, it's a

whole new way of looking at things

310

: 00:15:53

because you want to say, well, he

didn't do, or she didn't do, or

311

: 00:15:56

they didn't do, and say, well, if

they'd just change, I'd feel better.

312

: 00:16:00

But it's not that.

313

: 00:16:01

They're just a mirror reflecting back at

you things that you are trying to get from

314

: 00:16:05

others that you have to get for yourself.

315

: 00:16:07

Right,

316

: 00:16:09

Speaker: right.

317

: 00:16:10

And if people can learn this,

While they're going through a

318

: 00:16:13

divorce, just think about it.

319

: 00:16:16

Of the future opportunities they

are going to have because they

320

: 00:16:20

are going to feel respected.

321

: 00:16:24

They respect themselves.

322

: 00:16:25

And then they're going to meet someone

because they got here for a reason.

323

: 00:16:29

And let's like have them move

forward so that it can be a better,

324

: 00:16:34

a better relationship in the future.

325

: 00:16:36

I have to ask you something

because I'm in awe.

326

: 00:16:40

Did you say you've known this for 20 years

because I'm just figuring it out and I'm

327

: 00:16:45

getting you know, I'm a little mature

328

: 00:16:48

Speaker 3: I have So I'm gonna say

I started learning a lot of this

329

: 00:16:57

2002 so maybe 20 years.

330

: 00:16:59

Yeah, it's getting there.

331

: 00:17:01

I mean, I wasn't always good at all of

it I had I learned it as I was going and

332

: 00:17:06

I I, I took responsibility as, as, as

when it was said to me, what I heard was

333

: 00:17:12

you're the creator of your own reality.

334

: 00:17:14

And I was like, and all of a sudden

I thought, Oh my God, it resonated.

335

: 00:17:19

And I went, well, the good news.

336

: 00:17:21

See, and over the years, I've

said that to people and had the

337

: 00:17:24

exact opposite response from them.

338

: 00:17:25

And I had to figure out

why, what that was about.

339

: 00:17:27

And I realized it was because I

don't carry around guilt and shame

340

: 00:17:31

about what has happened to me.

341

: 00:17:32

I look, I heard that and it meant for

me, if you don't like something, you 100

342

: 00:17:37

percent have the opportunity to change it.

343

: 00:17:40

And other people I know who carry

around a lot of guilt and shame and

344

: 00:17:44

feel very, very, and I'm not saying we

all don't feel broken on some level.

345

: 00:17:46

We all have those kinds

of, we absolutely do.

346

: 00:17:49

But when they would hear it, they

would hear, I didn't want this.

347

: 00:17:53

I didn't ask for this.

348

: 00:17:54

I didn't ask for all these

bad things to happen to me.

349

: 00:17:56

And so I started to be

a little more sensitive.

350

: 00:17:59

And how I said that, um, because I just

want to make sure people understood

351

: 00:18:02

that when we look at why we're here, why

we're on the planet, why do we incarnate

352

: 00:18:07

in these bodies, why are we here in

this lifetime, like there's a bigger,

353

: 00:18:09

more expansive point of view here.

354

: 00:18:11

It's not just the bubble of what happened

today with this person there, you know,

355

: 00:18:15

and, and I tend to attract people with.

356

: 00:18:18

So, uh, yeah.

357

: 00:18:19

older interest in this more

spiritual, deeper conversations,

358

: 00:18:21

sort of the older souls, if you will.

359

: 00:18:23

And, um, and so I've learned how to,

how to like, when you said you, um,

360

: 00:18:30

You started like, I guess, stalk me.

361

: 00:18:32

I've got people who either binge listen

to my show or want to write me a negative

362

: 00:18:36

review within the first five minutes.

363

: 00:18:38

Because I've, because

I've, I'm a catalyst.

364

: 00:18:40

So I'll say something and you know in

this forum, I don't know who's listening.

365

: 00:18:44

Speaker: I don't

366

: 00:18:44

Speaker 3: know you, so if I say

something that pisses you off, you

367

: 00:18:47

better frickin know that's within you.

368

: 00:18:49

It isn't my fault.

369

: 00:18:50

I'm just putting the mirror up and you

don't like it and you want to use me as

370

: 00:18:53

your punching bag to blame me for it.

371

: 00:18:54

Exactly.

372

: 00:18:55

Yes.

373

: 00:18:56

But it still doesn't, it still happens

because I got a lot of fire and so

374

: 00:18:59

people that don't want to hear it

will just lash back and which is fine.

375

: 00:19:02

I don't care because it's not about me

and I know that and that's what, that's

376

: 00:19:05

what the personal self growth work does.

377

: 00:19:07

It gets you to understand that criticism

about you is never really about you.

378

: 00:19:12

Okay.

379

: 00:19:12

Talk more a little bit more about that.

380

: 00:19:15

So back to like, all you

want is to feel good.

381

: 00:19:18

And all you're doing is looking

for things to feel better.

382

: 00:19:21

We, most of us stop ourselves from

our lives and growing and expanding in

383

: 00:19:25

whatever ways, because we don't want

criticism because we're looking for love.

384

: 00:19:28

We're looking for love.

385

: 00:19:29

And if we put it out there, you're

running people to like you because

386

: 00:19:32

you want to receive the love.

387

: 00:19:33

But again, we're, we're

prostituting ourselves by

388

: 00:19:37

saying, I don't love me enough.

389

: 00:19:38

Will you love me if I say or do this?

390

: 00:19:41

And now we've again, become the victim

of the other person's reaction to

391

: 00:19:45

let us know if we're lovable or not.

392

: 00:19:48

And again, that's going to stop

you from growing every time as

393

: 00:19:51

a person in a relationship, as

a business owner, as a public.

394

: 00:19:54

speaker as whatever it is you do in life.

395

: 00:19:57

And when you can really be clear and

build that relationship with yourself,

396

: 00:20:00

know who you are, know what your

strengths are, know what your weaknesses

397

: 00:20:03

are and embrace and love all of them

into the ugly parts you don't like and

398

: 00:20:07

learn how to shine some light on them.

399

: 00:20:09

Then you'll always hear someone

else's criticism as being about you.

400

: 00:20:13

And it's never about you.

401

: 00:20:16

Speaker: So JJ, would you say that?

402

: 00:20:19

I mean, I know there's a lot of really

important lessons, but what I'm finding

403

: 00:20:24

more and more is probably the most

important one is to love yourself.

404

: 00:20:29

I mean, do you think that that is?

405

: 00:20:34

Speaker 3: Absolutely.

406

: 00:20:34

But most people don't know how.

407

: 00:20:35

Right.

408

: 00:20:36

So they'll say, what do you mean?

409

: 00:20:37

Love myself.

410

: 00:20:38

What does self care mean?

411

: 00:20:39

I did a whole show on self care

because I'm like, well, let

412

: 00:20:41

me go through what it means.

413

: 00:20:42

Right.

414

: 00:20:43

Speaker: Well, what is it

on your podcast or is it, it

415

: 00:20:45

Speaker 3: is, I don't, um, I

will have to find it for you.

416

: 00:20:48

Let me know.

417

: 00:20:48

And then I'll put that in.

418

: 00:20:50

Okay.

419

: 00:20:50

How do I love myself?

420

: 00:20:52

Might be the title.

421

: 00:20:52

I don't know, but I'll look for it

because again, I on fit to love, we're

422

: 00:20:55

getting close to 600 episodes on spirit,

purpose, energy, where the 315, so

423

: 00:21:00

I have to find, I have to find it.

424

: 00:21:02

Okay.

425

: 00:21:02

Bye.

426

: 00:21:02

Speaker: All right.

427

: 00:21:03

Can you give me a little, give the list

a little bit because that's going to

428

: 00:21:08

get them if they can love themselves

and then use those three steps that you

429

: 00:21:13

gave us and, you know, prepare for that

first mediation, I think it's going

430

: 00:21:19

to be the start of something amazing.

431

: 00:21:22

Speaker 3: I want to go back if

I could for just a second, not,

432

: 00:21:25

not in this conversation, but in

how I would and how I, and how my

433

: 00:21:28

trainers are kind of handling, um,

and how I'm handling cancer patients.

434

: 00:21:33

I take concepts that it might take you 10

years in therapy to get to because someone

435

: 00:21:37

listens to all your stories and then they

have to like gently like bring you back.

436

: 00:21:41

I go straight like right from the start

to find out what your core wounds are.

437

: 00:21:45

Because until you know what your

core wounds are, you will be guessing

438

: 00:21:49

circumstantially by every single

conversation, every single scenario.

439

: 00:21:53

It's like, can we just get

to, can we cut to the chase?

440

: 00:21:55

Cause at the bottom of all of this

is a core wound or two or three that

441

: 00:22:00

literally has made every choice in

your life from what you do, the friends

442

: 00:22:05

you have, the partner you've chosen

and why, because our whole entire

443

: 00:22:09

journey is about trying to get what

we didn't get from our caregivers.

444

: 00:22:13

So I kind of go really straight there

because how do I love myself is going to

445

: 00:22:17

be different than how you love yourself.

446

: 00:22:19

Right.

447

: 00:22:19

And how the next person loves

themselves because we have to give to

448

: 00:22:21

ourselves that which we did not get.

449

: 00:22:24

But we need to know what it is first

in order to be able to do that.

450

: 00:22:27

Right.

451

: 00:22:29

And then of course there's

other levels to that.

452

: 00:22:32

There's love languages.

453

: 00:22:32

There's astrology and your energy and

like what, what is meaningful to you.

454

: 00:22:36

But we still have to go with,

well, what is it I'm looking for?

455

: 00:22:38

What is it I'm searching for?

456

: 00:22:39

What is the hole in my boat that

I haven't been able to plug up yet

457

: 00:22:43

because I don't even know where it is.

458

: 00:22:44

And let's go there because it's the reason

why you got married in the first place.

459

: 00:22:48

It's the reason why you chose your

partner to heal the wounds of your past.

460

: 00:22:51

And maybe you didn't succeed

in that because you didn't

461

: 00:22:53

have the tools to do it.

462

: 00:22:54

Well, then let's go backwards

and start to do it now.

463

: 00:22:57

Better late than never because

if you don't fix it now, your

464

: 00:23:00

next relationship will be another

reflection of those wounds.

465

: 00:23:05

Speaker: I love that.

466

: 00:23:06

And we don't want that.

467

: 00:23:07

We want it to be like the turning

point, the new life, the okay.

468

: 00:23:12

So tell me you went through your divorce.

469

: 00:23:15

You said it wasn't horrible.

470

: 00:23:17

No, because

471

: 00:23:18

Speaker 3: it wasn't horrible.

472

: 00:23:20

Well, I mean, okay.

473

: 00:23:21

Horrible.

474

: 00:23:22

I did not, there were no lawyers.

475

: 00:23:24

There was no mediation.

476

: 00:23:26

There was an easy agreement.

477

: 00:23:28

I mean, there was a lawyer that was a

friend of my exes who did the paperwork,

478

: 00:23:31

um, or did the agreement between us, but

my ex paid for the, you know, to file it.

479

: 00:23:35

Other than that, I was

hands off, uh, because I was

480

: 00:23:40

committed to having us fix it.

481

: 00:23:43

Cause to me, I got into my marriage,

knowing that the real work starts once

482

: 00:23:47

you get married, uh, and knowing that.

483

: 00:23:50

These are things we're going

to have to work on, and I

484

: 00:23:52

don't think he understood that.

485

: 00:23:54

I think he thought things were just

going to be great, his wounds would be

486

: 00:23:57

healed, and then we're just going to

be happy ever after, have a great time.

487

: 00:24:01

And so the work was hard, but,

and here's what I tell all people.

488

: 00:24:06

And I'm currently my, my partner in

life, Doug, uh, he had to go through

489

: 00:24:10

two divorces, uh, to get here, to be

so open to understand and not that

490

: 00:24:16

he didn't know what he didn't know.

491

: 00:24:17

And now he's super committed to

understanding and he gets it,

492

: 00:24:20

but it took two divorces to like.

493

: 00:24:23

Literally break him open and awake.

494

: 00:24:25

He was unconscious now.

495

: 00:24:26

He's awake.

496

: 00:24:28

Thank God for me.

497

: 00:24:29

Uh, right?

498

: 00:24:29

I mean not for me Thank God.

499

: 00:24:31

I mean, thank thank God because

for me, this is great, right?

500

: 00:24:35

I have a partner who's going to

therapy who like we do couples things.

501

: 00:24:38

We've got a couple's retreats.

502

: 00:24:39

We have these conversations

We do these processes.

503

: 00:24:42

So

504

: 00:24:44

Yeah, so in terms of, um, it wasn't easy.

505

: 00:24:49

I cried for months and years after

even in my relationship with Doug

506

: 00:24:54

because our, our marriages sort

of fell apart at the same time.

507

: 00:24:57

So while we were coming together, we

were also healing from what had happened,

508

: 00:25:01

which at the time made it seem like, is

this going to be a, is this what the,

509

: 00:25:05

rebound, is this a rebound relationship?

510

: 00:25:07

And it wasn't.

511

: 00:25:08

But it could have been looked at that

way because we were really supporting

512

: 00:25:11

each other through a really hard

time and I loved my husband and I

513

: 00:25:14

didn't want it to be another person.

514

: 00:25:16

I, I really applied all my law of

attraction tools to the marriage,

515

: 00:25:20

but the universe had other plans,

uh, cause I wasn't, uh, listening

516

: 00:25:24

cause I, I'm a very committed person

when I, when I figured that out.

517

: 00:25:28

So, yeah, I mean, it was, by

the end of the day, you have

518

: 00:25:33

to, you have to ask yourself.

519

: 00:25:35

I can only do so much.

520

: 00:25:37

There's a lot to do though.

521

: 00:25:38

There's a lot of people don't do

half the things that can be doing and

522

: 00:25:41

that I didn't want to be that person.

523

: 00:25:43

I'm like, no, no, I'm going to

take on the responsibility of,

524

: 00:25:45

of I'm going to do the thing.

525

: 00:25:46

I'm going to change me and I'm

going to like learn how to look at

526

: 00:25:49

things differently and I'm going to

be more compassionate and I'm going

527

: 00:25:51

to see all of my wounds and I'm

going to be better for you because.

528

: 00:25:55

I'll be better for me too.

529

: 00:25:56

And I did that and I exhausted that

to the point where I realized my

530

: 00:26:02

partner didn't want to do that.

531

: 00:26:03

He didn't want to work that hard.

532

: 00:26:05

And he said it multiple times.

533

: 00:26:07

And I wasn't listening because

again, I'm a committed person.

534

: 00:26:10

And I thought what you

committed, this is a marriage.

535

: 00:26:13

This is like forever.

536

: 00:26:13

Like, why wouldn't you, if something's

not right, why wouldn't we fix it?

537

: 00:26:17

To me, it did not compute.

538

: 00:26:18

Why would we not fix something?

539

: 00:26:19

Not working well, but.

540

: 00:26:22

I had to learn the hard way that a lot of

people have no interest in fixing things

541

: 00:26:25

because they don't want to, they don't

want to feel the pains of their past.

542

: 00:26:28

So it wasn't, wasn't horrible.

543

: 00:26:31

There wasn't fighting.

544

: 00:26:32

There wasn't lawyers.

545

: 00:26:34

There was respect, gratitude, but there

was a lot of sadness, a lot, a lot

546

: 00:26:38

Speaker: of

547

: 00:26:38

Speaker 3: sadness.

548

: 00:26:39

Speaker: Yeah, and you know, I, you,

I don't know that you can avoid that.

549

: 00:26:43

I have a lot of people that come to

me who don't want to fight, um, and

550

: 00:26:47

that's why they're coming to me because

we're going to work together and do it.

551

: 00:26:51

I have people that fight, I have

people that don't, and I have people

552

: 00:26:55

who just want to get it done with.

553

: 00:26:58

And what they don't

get is that it is hard.

554

: 00:27:03

You know, I can't sugar coat it

and say, this is going to be easy.

555

: 00:27:06

Let me take this away

from you and do it all.

556

: 00:27:08

And it'll be fine.

557

: 00:27:10

It's not, it's hard, but

you can grow through it.

558

: 00:27:14

And that's why you're adding

value to my listeners right now,

559

: 00:27:18

because this is going to help them

so that they can make the choice.

560

: 00:27:26

to put the work in to start improving

that journey and to just heal beyond this.

561

: 00:27:32

And so, Oh, I'm so

thankful that you're here.

562

: 00:27:35

And like I said, in the show notes,

there's so many ways to follow you.

563

: 00:27:40

Um, we will have the connectors,

but if you want to, you

564

: 00:27:44

know, let us know anything.

565

: 00:27:46

I know you have a blog.

566

: 00:27:47

about divorce.

567

: 00:27:49

That's helpful.

568

: 00:27:50

I have a podcast,

569

: 00:27:51

Speaker 3: but I, but on, but

they have mostly the same shows.

570

: 00:27:55

So just any of the shows will have a lot

of the same content on it at this point.

571

: 00:28:00

I mean, I have, I shouldn't say

that, but all the shows, okay.

572

: 00:28:03

Women, men in relationships.

573

: 00:28:04

Which usually men are attracted

to because it's a black cover.

574

: 00:28:08

Um, I've got, um, spirit, purpose and

energy, which, yeah, which, which, uh,

575

: 00:28:13

let's see, that one is not, I did not

add that to this banner, but, um, let

576

: 00:28:17

me just, let me just take you around.

577

: 00:28:18

So we've got nutritional alternative

medicine, spirit, purpose, and energy

578

: 00:28:21

fit to love, um, health and wealth.

579

: 00:28:24

So, uh, again, but like I said, a lot

of the content is going to be similar.

580

: 00:28:29

Um, on all the shows, so just find

whichever one you find, type in my

581

: 00:28:33

name into the podcast search and

you'll see all the content that I have.

582

: 00:28:36

Um, I just want to say one thing about

the whole idea of divorce, if that, if

583

: 00:28:39

I can real quick, because I think it's a

really, I think it's a really important

584

: 00:28:43

statement to make, and I'm saying this

with as much, um, love, I don't know you

585

: 00:28:50

all, but you, hopefully, again, I've been

through it, so it's not like I'm saying

586

: 00:28:53

something that I didn't experience myself,

but you're going through a divorce.

587

: 00:28:57

To learn a lesson that you didn't

learn in your marriage and you

588

: 00:29:01

married the person you married

to heal the wounds of your past.

589

: 00:29:05

And if that didn't happen because you

weren't awake to that or knew that or

590

: 00:29:09

had the tools for that or had somebody

ready to be on board with that, you're

591

: 00:29:13

having another opportunity right now.

592

: 00:29:15

And.

593

: 00:29:16

And it's, it, a divorce is a call to

reevaluate how, you know, where you are

594

: 00:29:22

with those wounds, because I will have

people who will go through a divorce.

595

: 00:29:27

I had one, a couple of their friends and

she, she had already been divorced before.

596

: 00:29:31

So this would be her second divorce.

597

: 00:29:32

And I begged.

598

: 00:29:33

them.

599

: 00:29:33

They didn't listen, but because they

weren't, they weren't listeners to

600

: 00:29:36

my show or anything, but I begged

them to go through the therapy that

601

: 00:29:38

I recommended or the processes I

recommended because I said, look, even

602

: 00:29:42

if you end up not going to like being

together on the other side of this,

603

: 00:29:47

you're going to repeat these lessons.

604

: 00:29:49

They will come in the next person.

605

: 00:29:51

I promise you, you cannot

outrun your need to heal this.

606

: 00:29:56

So a divorce isn't a mistake.

607

: 00:29:59

A divorce is the next evolution of your

journey into healing your wounds, period.

608

: 00:30:05

So I don't want it to be

like, there's a mistake here.

609

: 00:30:08

I made a mistake.

610

: 00:30:09

This was wrong.

611

: 00:30:09

This is bad.

612

: 00:30:10

Nope.

613

: 00:30:11

This is just the next call to

action for you to now click

614

: 00:30:14

into and be conscious to that.

615

: 00:30:16

There are wounds inside of you

that if you don't heal, I promise

616

: 00:30:20

you, you will repeat this.

617

: 00:30:22

In the next relationship.

618

: 00:30:24

Speaker: I love that quote.

619

: 00:30:25

And I am going to go

back and write that down.

620

: 00:30:28

That was amazing.

621

: 00:30:31

And you know, I, you have made me a

better mediator just listening to you.

622

: 00:30:36

So I appreciate that.

623

: 00:30:38

I took lots of notes.

624

: 00:30:40

And we'll have a lot in the show notes.

625

: 00:30:41

And JJ, thank you from the bottom

of my heart for joining us today.

626

: 00:30:46

We really appreciate it.

627

: 00:30:48

Speaker 3: Lisa, thank

you so much for having me.

628

: 00:30:49

It was a pleasure.

629

: 00:30:50

This just flew by.

630

: 00:30:51

So thank you so much.

631

: 00:30:53

Thank you so much.

632

: 00:30:54

I appreciate you asking these questions.

633

: 00:30:56

I appreciate the opportunity to give

people some hope and to understanding

634

: 00:30:59

and take some of that responsibility.

635

: 00:31:01

from the situation that you think

is bad and that it's, it's a blip

636

: 00:31:05

of something that you've done wrong.

637

: 00:31:07

It's a failure.

638

: 00:31:08

It's really not.

639

: 00:31:09

And I dealt with that.

640

: 00:31:10

I didn't want to have a failure, which

is why I worked so hard, but it's,

641

: 00:31:14

it's part of your process and you

will heal through this if you do it

642

: 00:31:18

consciously and get some help with it.

643

: 00:31:20

Speaker: Amen.

644

: 00:31:21

I love it.

645

: 00:31:22

Thanks so much, JJ.