Strengthen Your Marriage or Let it Go with Love, Insights from Relationship Expert Sharon Pope

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Welcome listeners.

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I have a treat for everyone today.

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I have master life coach, relationship

expert, seven time best selling author,

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Sharon Pope and Sharon, you don't even

know this, but the reason that I know you

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is because my husband was a TikTok addict.

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for a while.

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And he was like, Hey, you

got to check out this lady.

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And then listeners, you

are going to learn so much.

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And she, and if you want to, if you don't

already follow Sharon finder, you're on

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Instagram, you're on Tik TOK, you have

a podcast, you're all over the place.

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You're helping people, um,

make the decision to divorce.

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Help their children through the process.

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And that's kind of what we're

going to talk about today.

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First, of course, we're going to,

you know, get your authentic story

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and then we're going to get into

a little bit about how do you know

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if it's time to stay or go, and

we're going to talk about the kids.

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So that's basically, and I'm so

excited to get to know you better.

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I know I'm going to learn so much

and just become better at what I do.

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So Sharon, you are a

big deal and thank you.

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You are, and I appreciate you

taking the time to be here.

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Honest to God.

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So, um, welcome.

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Speaker 2: I love it

when men find my work.

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I think that is fantastic.

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And they turn their wives onto it.

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I love that so much.

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Speaker: Yep.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank

you so much for having me.

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I appreciate you inviting me on.

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Speaker: Of course.

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And can you just share what led

you down the path to help people

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with divorce or relationships?

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And

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Speaker 2: yeah, so 14 Years ago, I

was in my first marriage and, um, and

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that already tells you how that ended.

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But I had been married to just a

good, kind human being for 12 years

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when it was all said and done.

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And, um, when I was in the stay

or go decision, I didn't, I didn't

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know that there was help available.

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I don't, maybe there was,

I wasn't aware of it.

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Um, so not surprisingly,

I did a lot of things.

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I don't want to say wrong, but where

now I look back now having all these

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tools, I look back and go, wow, I

could have done a lot of things better.

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Um, so when I got into coaching, my

coach at the time very wisely said to me,

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what do you want to talk about all day?

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Because everyone said you should go

into executive coaching and all this,

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because that was like my background.

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I was in marketing for 20 years before

I ever got into coaching and, um.

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I said, all I want to talk

about is love and relationships

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and relationships gone wrong.

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And that's what I could

talk about all day.

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And she's like, excellent.

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That's where we're going.

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And so we went there, but

honestly, like, I don't sit here

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from a perspective of being on a

pedestal of like, you should do it.

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Like I did it.

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You should be like, I actually

am like, you know what?

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Don't make the same mistakes that I did.

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because I didn't have any tools.

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Do better to learn from my

mistakes so that you can do better.

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And fortunately for my husband and I,

the stakes were pretty small because

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we didn't have children together.

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We'd been together 12 years

and we both had good careers.

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So we could sort of like divide things

really peacefully and just move forward.

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We used a mediator and it was smooth

and it was peaceful and we're both

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remarried and happy and we've moved on.

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And It's, it's a lovely thing.

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It doesn't have to be a horrible thing.

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Speaker: I thank you for saying that

because that is when I want to get on

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my soap box and let everyone know that.

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And I love that you are taking something

that you went through and sharing it

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with the world and helping them learn

from what maybe not mistakes, but

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things that you learned along the way.

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And, um, you know, I love that your

first marriage ended peacefully because I

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always tell people how you end one thing.

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Is how you began another.

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And so you, it sounds like both you and

your ex spouse are in happy marriages.

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And I think part of that is probably

because you handled the divorce so well.

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Speaker 2: Well, like I said, there's

a lot of things that I would do,

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knowing what I know today, I would

do a lot of things differently.

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Um, I was fortunate that he was

also just, you know, a kindhearted

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person that just didn't want,

like, I didn't want to hate him.

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You don't have to.

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Right.

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The thing is like, there's

this idea that if we love each

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other, we have to stay together.

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And if we don't stay together,

we have to hate each other.

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And those are two very separate things.

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You can actually love someone and

still choose to not be in your most

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intimate relationship with them.

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And you can choose to not be in a

relationship with them and not hate them.

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You can wish him well.

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Like I love that he met someone

that thinks he is the cat's meow.

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Love that for him.

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He deserves to be loved like

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Speaker: that.

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Like we all do.

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That's yeah, that's remarkable.

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And I think I mean, you didn't have

kids, but it would be especially

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helpful for children to see their

parents be able to behave that way.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, come on, if

you have children, you are going to

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be in one another's lives forever.

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So why do you want to be in each

other's lives when you hate each other?

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You don't, right?

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And then by the way, you just put

your kids in the middle of it.

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So I love how.

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Art industry is helping

people do this differently.

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Because it's so needed.

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Like if you just leave people to

their own devices with their ego and

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their fears and the scarcity mentality

and not knowing what to do and just

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all their hurt and pain, and they're

just going to act from that place.

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But when you can, you can

start equipping them with.

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How to do it really well, but

why does that benefit your

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whole family and that chain?

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I think this is why I love to talk

about kids that changes generations.

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Yeah, think about how your kids will

think about marriage if you if their

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parents hate each other and then what

their Relationships will be like and what

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they will teach your grandkids some dad.

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This is generational stuff

like how this really matters

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Speaker: Yep.

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I love that you brought that up.

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And in fact, that was one of the

questions I had written down to ask you

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at the very end was about that ripple

effect, but you just answered it.

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So now I kind of want to go back to,

sometimes there are listeners listening

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in who are in that, that really

difficult spot where they don't know.

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Um, if they should stay or go

and they can get your book,

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which will be in the show notes.

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But can you give us some little,

without giving away the whole

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book, give us some tools, um, or

things that they can think through?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say the biggest

way to think about this, and it's

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sort of a methodology approach that

I use, which is the one way to know.

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Well, today, you know that

the relationship isn't working

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for you in some capacity.

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Some it's a really extreme capacity.

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It's not working for me.

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And some are mildly irritated on

the rumble strip, like, um, time

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to pay attention kind of thing.

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Speaker: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But if you go

into it, the one way to know.

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is that if you get equipped with real

tools and then you genuinely try.

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So a lot of times people will say, well,

Sharon, I've been trying for years.

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I've been trying to make my marriage

feel better because of course,

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when your marriage doesn't feel

good, you want it to feel good.

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So you try, but what we try is based

on what we have in our toolkits.

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And if you think about it.

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We come into marriage with precious

little in that toolkit outside of

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what we experienced by watching our

parents growing up And they didn't

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have any tools of training either.

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So everyone's just out here doing the

best they can and kind of screwing it

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up Right Unintentionally making mistakes

because they just don't know no one's

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ever taught them There was no class on

like how to create and sustain a loving

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healthy connected marriage for I don't

know Four or five decades together.

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Speaker: You know, it's interesting

because I've been married for

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32 years and oddly enough, I'm

not really Catholic anymore.

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I'm a Christian, but we did go

through marriaging marriage classes

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and I think that they did help.

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I mean, I think it was something,

um, to help us, but Sharon, do

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you, do you teach couples who are

thinking, I mean, where do couples go?

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That just popped into my head.

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That's something some people need.

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Speaker 2: I literally, so for one of

my clients, I have done that for her

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children because her son was in a very

serious relationship and now he's married.

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And so for the two of them, because

it was a client, I did that.

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But honestly, people tell me that

sometimes like you should talk to

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people before they ever get married.

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You should train them.

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But the problem is, and this is

just human nature, is that we don't

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do the things that we should do.

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We don't, we don't get equipped

to solve problems we don't have.

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Speaker: Right.

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Speaker 2: We wait until we have the

problem and then we're like, okay, now I

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have a problem and now I need to solve it.

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Right.

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So no, one's looking like they go

to their church or something, right.

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Of for premarital counseling.

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But you know, there's a huge difference

between our, someone teaching us through

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words and us having that life experience.

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Speaker: Yeah.

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I mean, that's true for anything,

just like your kids, you want

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to tell your kids what to do.

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It's not going to matter.

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They've got to go do it.

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And as you're sitting here talking,

I'm thinking about father Malone,

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who had never been married.

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Speaker 2: You know, there's

some very good advice, like

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continue to date your wife.

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treat each other as if it and don't just

put the me when you get married, don an

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accomplishment because we think we're at

the fin found our person and we'r we're

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going to have a fam have a beautiful life.

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An And that may be true, but

you are the starting line, my

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friend, and things just got real.

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And now we need, as you come up on these

things, like, yes, it would be helpful to

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have some tools in advance, but really,

and truly, it's just human nature.

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We'll wait until there's

a problem before we really

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Speaker: seek answers.

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Right.

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And I have to drop this one

little tool in that they gave us.

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They did.

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We heard this, that couples that prayed

together, whatever that looks like for

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you only had a 2 percent divorce rate.

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I don't know what the study was behind

that, but I do think that helps because

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that's just kind of being a united front.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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It's being a team.

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It's showing genuine care for your partner

when you're praying for your partner.

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Like that shows like real

love and genuine care.

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And honestly, anything that you are

doing that is consistent and it's

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investing into the relationship

is only going to help you.

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Many of us, once we get married,

we pour all of our time, attention,

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love, and energy into what's next.

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And that might be building

a business or a career.

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It might be starting a family and

creating a home, but, and then that's

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where our love and attention goes

because the marriage isn't a problem.

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It's fine.

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We're still honeymooning.

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We're a few years in it's all

fine, but then we have kids.

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And then when all of our attention

and love and energy goes towards that.

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Years later, now we wonder why the

marriage is suffering because we haven't

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given it any attention and we've been to

the kids are thriving families, but the

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marriage isn't feeling close anymore.

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And that's when things start to go like

this, because no one ever really told

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us like, heads up, you cannot disregard

your marriage when kids come around.

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Kids are kids need you they need to be

prioritized But you cannot leave scraps

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and crumbs for your marriage and expect

that because that's the foundation

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of your family That you're building

everything on top of and so when you let

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the foundation just go to hell Like, uh,

yeah, that, of course we're struggling, of

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Speaker: course we are.

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And I think, I'm going to be really

blatantly honest, I don't think I did a

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good job of um, nurturing the marriage.

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I was really into the

kids and You're, you're in

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Speaker 2: survival mode

for crying out loud.

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Speaker: Yes.

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Yes.

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But I do want to talk

to you about something.

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And you know, my marriage,

it's, it's been a long one.

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It's a good one, but it isn't perfect.

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And I've had my moments, right,

where I've thought, I don't know

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if, I don't know if this is right.

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I don't know if I can, you know, where

I'm, you're starting to question things.

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And I remember banging my head against

the wall, trying to get my husband

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To do something to make the marriage,

like read a book about how to do

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this so that we get along better.

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And I was trying to get him to do

stuff and he was like, not doing it.

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And it was driving me insane.

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And I, and I, you know, you hear of

like, you talk about that investment.

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I think I could have been led

away because I didn't think he was

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investing, but then sharing what

kind of saved, not that we were.

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I'm not going to say it saved our

marriage, but what made it a lot better

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was finally like, um, COVID hit and I

went, Whoa, I need to work on my head.

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And I got a coach and I

started working on myself.

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And this is what.

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I keep telling my clients just take

a little bit of time, put in one last

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ditch effort and work on yourself.

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Because as soon as, and I'm not saying

it happened right away, it's been

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over a, you know, a two year process.

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But as I began to love myself, as

I began to put boundaries up, the

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resentment went away and he was very.

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Um, responsive, you know, he was, and I

was, so sometimes I tell my clients, even

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just putting the work into yourself can

save your marriage, even if they seem

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like they're not going to be a part of it.

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Speaker 2: Not even, I would say that's

the linchpin to it because if you think

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about it, one of the reasons why we

struggle in our relationships is because

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there is this underlying feeling that

my partner, if my partner would be

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different, I would feel better because

if they would just change this, if

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they would start doing something that

they're not doing, or if they would stop

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doing something that they are doing,

then I would feel better about this.

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So they just need to change.

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And we've all read this enough that

we know intellectually, like you can't

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actually change another human being right?

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They can change, but you wanting

them to change is not enough of

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a motivator because guess what?

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Like everyone on the planet wants

you to be someone who they need

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you to be so they get better.

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And so it never, ever works.

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But in every situation,

someone's got to lead.

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And for better or for worse, I think

it's actually better women take the lead

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Speaker: on

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Speaker 2: their relationships because

when it comes to the hierarchy of

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what creates women's happiness, the

quality and health of our relationships

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is at the top of that hierarchy.

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Speaker: You

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Speaker 2: know, for men, they've

been socialized very differently

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than women for some of them.

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Relationships might be at the top

of the hierarchy for some of them.

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It might be more like success

and accomplishment, and there's

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nothing wrong with that, but we

just have different priorities.

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And so whether we like it or

not, like women have been the

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caretakers and nurturers of the

quality of the relationship.

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So we're the first to notice when

it's starting to go South, we're

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the first to go out and seek answers

and want to get things changed.

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But the problem is the

way we go about it is.

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Well, you're the one that

needs to change here.

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Read this book, listen to this podcast,

do this thing because we're not willing

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to look at ourselves, which is by

the way, the only person we have any

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ability to change, but nobody thinks

they're the problem because it's not

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really, it's not really a problem.

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It's not

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Speaker: really that you are the problem,

but it was my thinking that was causing

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it and my lack of setting up boundaries.

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And so then I tell my clients at the very

least, if you do this work on yourself.

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And you're still ready to move forward

because it's not what you want.

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You're going to be so much stronger.

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You're going to be able to

use this as an opportunity.

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It's just a win win to do that work.

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Well, you take yourself

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Speaker 2: with you.

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: 00:16:45

Like if he, this is the problem when

people say like my, he's the problem,

308

: 00:16:51

like some version of that, or they think

that then if I get rid of him and I'm

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: 00:16:56

speaking from the female perspective

here and have relationships, obviously,

310

: 00:16:59

but get rid of him, he's problem solved.

311

: 00:17:01

But then they go on to

the next relationship.

312

: 00:17:04

And I don't know, you probably know

this better than I do, but second

313

: 00:17:07

marriages end at a much higher rate.

314

: 00:17:09

And third marriage has

ended like in the 73, 74.

315

: 00:17:12

I know.

316

: 00:17:13

So why is that?

317

: 00:17:15

Because we keep thinking

someone else is the problem,

318

: 00:17:17

but we take ourselves with us.

319

: 00:17:18

So when you work on yourselves,

darlings, you take yourself with you,

320

: 00:17:22

but what you will create in the future

will look and feel very different than

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: 00:17:26

what you created in this relationship

because you are now different.

322

: 00:17:29

So it's the linchpin for

everything is working on yourself.

323

: 00:17:32

Know thyself first.

324

: 00:17:34

Speaker: Amen.

325

: 00:17:35

Sister.

326

: 00:17:35

And I just, I mean, I.

327

: 00:17:37

That would be the one thing I

would wish for this audience to,

328

: 00:17:42

and there's so many resources.

329

: 00:17:45

I mean, it's awesome if you can

afford a coach, that was great

330

: 00:17:48

for me, but coaches have podcasts.

331

: 00:17:51

There are books, there's so

many resources available.

332

: 00:17:55

Tons.

333

: 00:17:56

Speaker 2: And there's plenty

of ways to consume it, right?

334

: 00:17:58

Like, yes, there's, there's books.

335

: 00:18:02

Which require you, right?

336

: 00:18:05

I always say like I've written nine

books, but if books alone solve the

337

: 00:18:10

problem, there's, there's more than 400,

000 relationship books on Amazon today.

338

: 00:18:14

If books alone solve the problem, would

we have the divorce rates that we do?

339

: 00:18:17

No, we would not.

340

: 00:18:18

Speaker: Right.

341

: 00:18:19

Speaker 2: So it requires you.

342

: 00:18:20

Right.

343

: 00:18:20

to take, like you're holding yourself

accountable all the way up to, I want

344

: 00:18:25

one on one private coaching, right?

345

: 00:18:27

And there's tons of ways in

between, between courses and

346

: 00:18:30

memberships and all this stuff.

347

: 00:18:32

Like

348

: 00:18:32

Speaker: you

349

: 00:18:33

Speaker 2: can figure out what,

where your sweet spot is, but

350

: 00:18:35

there's so many resources available.

351

: 00:18:38

It's just a matter of how

much handholding you want.

352

: 00:18:40

It's sort of like a

personal trainer, right?

353

: 00:18:43

You don't go to a personal trainer

because you don't know how to press.

354

: 00:18:45

Start on a treadmill or

how to pick up a bike.

355

: 00:18:49

You go because you want someone holding

you accountable and pushing you further

356

: 00:18:53

than you would go if you were on your own.

357

: 00:18:55

Speaker: Yes.

358

: 00:18:56

Same thing.

359

: 00:18:56

Which is interesting because I feel

like I've been trained as a coach now.

360

: 00:19:01

And so I know how to coach,

but I still need my coach.

361

: 00:19:05

Oh, you just said, yeah,

362

: 00:19:08

Speaker 2: you got someone who's

got to help me see my blind

363

: 00:19:11

spots because everyone has them.

364

: 00:19:13

Speaker: Yeah.

365

: 00:19:14

Speaker 2: Right.

366

: 00:19:15

There's no shame in that.

367

: 00:19:16

Like, yeah, I will always

have a coach because I have

368

: 00:19:18

high expectations of myself.

369

: 00:19:20

Speaker: Yes.

370

: 00:19:21

Yeah.

371

: 00:19:21

I agree.

372

: 00:19:22

I agree with you completely.

373

: 00:19:23

Okay.

374

: 00:19:24

So now I want to, we're getting

a little bit towards the end and

375

: 00:19:27

I want to talk about those kids.

376

: 00:19:29

Cause you know, they

are so precious to me.

377

: 00:19:31

And if we can just talk about, I saw

something in your bio about you can

378

: 00:19:37

actually help them to thrive through this.

379

: 00:19:41

Give us some tools for that.

380

: 00:19:43

Speaker 2: All right.

381

: 00:19:44

So if we come into marriage only with

what we saw growing up at home about

382

: 00:19:52

what love and marriage looks like.

383

: 00:19:54

Our kids are doing the same thing.

384

: 00:19:57

So if what they're seeing at home

is not the kind of love and marriage

385

: 00:20:02

example of what you would like for

them to see, or that you want that,

386

: 00:20:07

like, I always ask my clients,

like, would you want your daughter

387

: 00:20:10

to be in a relationship like yours?

388

: 00:20:12

And they always say, heavens, no.

389

: 00:20:14

And I'm like, well, then why are you.

390

: 00:20:16

Making it okay.

391

: 00:20:17

Why are you telling yourself it's okay

when it is clearly not okay with you.

392

: 00:20:20

So we either have to change it and make

it feel good for where you are today.

393

: 00:20:25

You have to evolve the relationship.

394

: 00:20:26

So it feels good from a new vantage

point, or we have to lovingly release

395

: 00:20:31

it because we think it can't evolve, but

the only way to know is to really try.

396

: 00:20:38

So.

397

: 00:20:39

Wouldn't it be better for your kids to

say, like, like, look, love and marriage

398

: 00:20:44

is hard, but we're still in it to win it.

399

: 00:20:47

Like we're still fighting for it.

400

: 00:20:48

We're still reaching for it.

401

: 00:20:50

Or if we decide that we just want

different things now, then how do we

402

: 00:20:55

do this in the most gentle, loving?

403

: 00:20:59

So the kids are so important and you

know, there's one tool that I like

404

: 00:21:03

to bring up when it comes to, let's

say that you make the very painful

405

: 00:21:08

decision to end your marriage.

406

: 00:21:11

Every single parent on the planet thinks

about what is this going to do to my kids?

407

: 00:21:16

And one of the things that you

can do, what they want to know is,

408

: 00:21:19

am I okay, am I going to be okay?

409

: 00:21:21

Cause we are all self interested.

410

: 00:21:23

Our children show us this every

day, learn from puppies and babies.

411

: 00:21:30

And so what they want

to know is, am I okay?

412

: 00:21:32

And so it really helps for you to lay

out, here's all the things that are

413

: 00:21:37

going to change about your experience.

414

: 00:21:39

Like this can be like, who's

picking you up from school or

415

: 00:21:43

where you're spending the night

week on week off, whatever it is.

416

: 00:21:47

Make that list but then also make a

list and it should be three times as

417

: 00:21:51

long of all the things that are not

going To change about their experience.

418

: 00:21:54

Speaker: So good.

419

: 00:21:55

Speaker 2: You're still gonna have the

same like breakfast every day You're

420

: 00:21:58

still gonna go to the same school.

421

: 00:22:00

You're still gonna have the same friends

You're still gonna be on the same baseball

422

: 00:22:02

team Like think of every single thing

you possibly can that is not going to

423

: 00:22:07

change about their experience because

they're gonna go into fear Of the unknown.

424

: 00:22:12

This is new to them.

425

: 00:22:13

So when you start to put like,

this is what you can expect

426

: 00:22:18

around the conversation.

427

: 00:22:19

Now it calms the fear, but I'll

tell you what I have clients where

428

: 00:22:23

their kids are thriving after

divorce in a way that they weren't.

429

: 00:22:28

When they were still in their marriage.

430

: 00:22:30

So I'll give you an example.

431

: 00:22:34

One of my clients, she, uh, her kids

were maybe, I'm gonna say like 11 and 14.

432

: 00:22:40

So like young teenager and her daughter,

who was the 11 year old, um, would go to

433

: 00:22:47

her dad's house and she had become a vegan

and she would go to dad's house and he

434

: 00:22:52

would never have anything for her to eat.

435

: 00:22:54

And she went to her mom and

she's like, mom, can you tell

436

: 00:22:56

dad to get stuff for me to eat?

437

: 00:22:59

Cause he won't, he won't like

have stuff around the house.

438

: 00:23:03

And she in her infinite wisdom said,

you know what, darling, I could do that.

439

: 00:23:07

But what would be even better is for

you to be able to express that to your

440

: 00:23:10

dad, because I know that he wants you

to feel comfortable coming to his house.

441

: 00:23:15

So she's, so she invited her to not

like, I'm going to step in the middle

442

: 00:23:21

of this and say, be the savior.

443

: 00:23:23

And make this better, she learned how

to set a boundary for herself of dad.

444

: 00:23:28

Here's what I need.

445

: 00:23:30

And Oh my God, I wish I would have learned

how to set boundaries for myself at 11.

446

: 00:23:34

I was like 45 before I

learned how to do that.

447

: 00:23:38

Speaker: Well, and there's something,

yeah, I was older than that.

448

: 00:23:41

So I was a

449

: 00:23:41

Speaker 2: grandma, what a gift

that at 11, she's learning how

450

: 00:23:45

to set boundaries and that you're

allowed to, even with your parents.

451

: 00:23:49

You're allowed to say this is what I need

and this is, this is what works for me

452

: 00:23:53

and this is what doesn't work for me.

453

: 00:23:54

You're allowed.

454

: 00:23:55

Speaker: And Sharon, what I like is that

you just gave a story that can be so

455

: 00:24:01

reassuring to parents because actually

if you didn't go through the divorce, you

456

: 00:24:07

may not ever really develop that tool.

457

: 00:24:10

So that's where it's a gift.

458

: 00:24:12

Yeah.

459

: 00:24:12

And I love that.

460

: 00:24:13

And I knew I would love talking to

you because that little trick you

461

: 00:24:16

gave me, I hadn't heard before about

writing it all down, writing all

462

: 00:24:20

the things that are going to change

and all the things that are not.

463

: 00:24:23

And I cannot help but put a

little plug in here for, I have

464

: 00:24:26

this parenting plan course.

465

: 00:24:28

It's really reasonable on my website.

466

: 00:24:31

You can use it.

467

: 00:24:32

in your divorce paperwork in any

state, but it allows you to go through

468

: 00:24:36

together and plan your kids future.

469

: 00:24:40

I mean, it goes through the schedule,

but it goes through more like

470

: 00:24:43

introducing a significant other,

you know, so many things that you

471

: 00:24:47

may not think about, but it's just

all part of the planning together.

472

: 00:24:51

Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

473

: 00:24:51

It's so important.

474

: 00:24:52

I have a, I have a good friend who,

she, she went through a divorce.

475

: 00:24:56

And she had little ones at the time and

she said this to me and I share it with my

476

: 00:25:00

clients where she said, you know, you will

be challenged a thousand different times

477

: 00:25:05

around this idea of, oh, I love my kids.

478

: 00:25:08

I would walk in front

of a bus for my kids.

479

: 00:25:10

There is nothing I

wouldn't do for my kids.

480

: 00:25:13

Will you be kind when you don't feel like

your partner is being kind for your kids?

481

: 00:25:18

Will you love their partner and be

open and accepting of their new partner

482

: 00:25:21

when they show up to Christmas dinner?

483

: 00:25:24

When you don't like her or whatever, like

you say, you'll do anything for your kids.

484

: 00:25:29

Will you do that?

485

: 00:25:31

Will you do this?

486

: 00:25:32

Yes.

487

: 00:25:32

Will you do this kindly and gently?

488

: 00:25:34

Will you be kind and gentle when you feel

like you're not being dealt with that way?

489

: 00:25:40

So you're going to be challenged in this.

490

: 00:25:43

And if you can keep going back

to, do I really mean this?

491

: 00:25:46

I'm really going to do

what's best for my kids.

492

: 00:25:48

And if you are, then

let that be your guide.

493

: 00:25:52

Speaker: That is magic.

494

: 00:25:54

And it's just being intentional and aware.

495

: 00:25:58

And I always like to say, if

you mess up one time, give

496

: 00:26:03

yourself a hug because it's hard.

497

: 00:26:05

Yeah, and and be aware of it.

498

: 00:26:07

And then you have the chance

to go back and do it again.

499

: 00:26:09

I love that tip to every day.

500

: 00:26:11

Those are amazing.

501

: 00:26:12

Yeah.

502

: 00:26:12

Amazing tools and a different way

to think about it that I love.

503

: 00:26:17

That's going to help people.

504

: 00:26:18

So, okay.

505

: 00:26:19

So now I'm seeing the time is ticking

away and we're at the end and sharing.

506

: 00:26:23

I'm in my, I'm in my horse barn.

507

: 00:26:25

So I always say I'm going to rain

it in at the end and we're going

508

: 00:26:28

to get a key takeaway from you.

509

: 00:26:30

You've already given us so many.

510

: 00:26:33

tools that we can use, but is there

anything, any key takeaway or piece

511

: 00:26:38

of advice, something the audience can

do right away to have a better life?

512

: 00:26:44

Speaker 2: So I'm going to

share something with you that

513

: 00:26:46

I just call borrowed courage.

514

: 00:26:49

So this is something that my My clients

in my group, or they all do this,

515

: 00:26:55

it's create, find, let's say this,

find a community of people who are

516

: 00:27:00

walking through this with you because

your friends and family love you,

517

: 00:27:03

but they are not navigating divorce.

518

: 00:27:07

And so they have no frame of reference, or

they only have their frame of reference.

519

: 00:27:11

And their divorce went a certain

way with certain dynamics.

520

: 00:27:15

Doesn't mean that that's

going to be your story.

521

: 00:27:17

So it could be completely irrelevant.

522

: 00:27:19

You need people, a group of people

who are walking through this at the

523

: 00:27:22

same time, because what will happen

is you will see someone doing a really

524

: 00:27:25

hard thing, like telling their kids or

having a difficult conversation with

525

: 00:27:29

their spouse or setting a boundary.

526

: 00:27:31

And what you'll do is you'll

borrow their courage and you'll,

527

: 00:27:34

you'll be like, you know what, if

they can do that, I can do this.

528

: 00:27:38

I can do this one next

thing that's in front of me.

529

: 00:27:41

And if you don't have that community,

then what I would invite you to do is

530

: 00:27:44

write down three things that you've done

that are really hard, because I'm going

531

: 00:27:49

to tell you what, if you are a woman

in this country, like And you're a mom.

532

: 00:27:54

You have done some hard things.

533

: 00:27:56

Okay.

534

: 00:27:57

Giving birth.

535

: 00:27:57

That's hard.

536

: 00:28:00

Hard.

537

: 00:28:00

Like you've done plenty of hard things.

538

: 00:28:02

Write down three of them so that you

can remind yourself like I'm strong.

539

: 00:28:06

I'm brave.

540

: 00:28:07

I'm resilient.

541

: 00:28:08

There's plenty of hard things I've done.

542

: 00:28:09

This is hard.

543

: 00:28:10

Yes.

544

: 00:28:11

But I can do hard things.

545

: 00:28:12

I do it all the time.

546

: 00:28:14

Yep.

547

: 00:28:15

Speaker: So just remind yourself.

548

: 00:28:16

I love that.

549

: 00:28:17

I love that thought.

550

: 00:28:19

And it's believable when you, you know,

are picking from what you've done.

551

: 00:28:23

So that is great.

552

: 00:28:25

Great advice.

553

: 00:28:26

And Sharon, if people want to

find you, where's the best place?

554

: 00:28:31

Well, like I said, we'll

have it in the show notes.

555

: 00:28:32

You are all over.

556

: 00:28:34

Speaker 2: You can find me, it's

pretty easy to find me, SharonPope.

557

: 00:28:38

com, but if you want to go, the best

place I would recommend is you go grab

558

: 00:28:42

my book and you can go to SharonPopeBook.

559

: 00:28:45

com.

560

: 00:28:45

Okay,

561

: 00:28:46

Speaker: perfect.

562

: 00:28:47

Listeners go grab it.

563

: 00:28:49

We just, you know, we just got some little

tools right now that are going to help us.

564

: 00:28:53

I know there's a lot more in that book.

565

: 00:28:55

I'm getting it today.

566

: 00:28:57

As well.

567

: 00:28:58

So Sharon, thank you so much.

568

: 00:29:00

I really appreciate all

your thoughtful information.

569

: 00:29:03

I appreciate the work that you're

doing and I appreciate you taking

570

: 00:29:06

the time to be here with me today.

571

: 00:29:08

Speaker 2: Thank you.

572

: 00:29:08

I've loved being

573

: 00:29:09

Speaker: here.

574

: 00:29:10

Thank you.

575

: 00:29:10

Take good care.

576

: 00:29:12

All right.

577

: 00:29:12

You too.